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Maula vs Maula

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Are you new in town smart alec? If you want to stay alive, go back to Seraikistan. You will not last a second in the federal territory of Maula Jat. Dismount from your high horse smarty pants. Your fate will be decided in the open arena on the Constitution Avenue. You want to mess with the law? You are making  a big mistake. More...

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Et Tu Bootay

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Pakistan has been attacked again by Bahria Seals. Our sovereignty is in tatters. Malik Riaz has landed in Karachi on his Hawker 400XP, the product of latest, Zionist American stealth technology. 

Our valiant armed forces, currently headquartered in the back pocket of Malik Sahib, will give a befitting reply, as soon as they are finished with the global war on the Baloch university lecturers and other enemies of the state. More...

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Mughal e Azam

 

By: Hakim Hazik 

To Nuruddin Mohammad Arsalan:


You are charged with bringing into disrepute the office of the crown prince and heir to the throne for the love of a dissolute and lowly slave girl Malik Razia. You have incited the army of the realm to open rebellion. You have tried to collude with formation commanders of 10,000 troops each,  General E Zamir and General Shaukat and tried to deprive them of their conscience and their splendour which they had protected from the wily courtesan, Musharraf un Nisa with great artifice. More...

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The Thar Coal Project

By: Hakim Hazik


Sheikh Jingle Bells has beaten Dr Fruitcake in the gasification project. The learned Sheikh  has produced more gas for less dollars per cubic meters than the much advertised Thar Coal project. With such patriotic innovators among our midst we will soon export gas to Qatar and energy to Saudi Arabia. It is important to diversify our exports and discover new markets as the American economy is on its last legs, threatening our traditional exports of car bombs, Al-Qaida operatives in orange suits and Aafia Siddiqi. More...

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A Confidence Building Massacre

By: Hakim Hazik

When yours tiruly has a cold the whole of Kiranchi catches pneumonia. When yours tiruly has a touch of fever, Kiranchchi burns. When yours tiruly is called to visit the New Iscottland Yard, half the young men in Kiranchi will loose their kneecaps. 

 

 

That’s the way it is going to be, so the kleeshan partners should get used to it and not istart taking out the Love the Homeland rallies on filimsy excuses. We will wear birown shirts and repeat the crystal night a hundred times. We send our istorm tiroopers to demolish all the Aman kmaitees and we will istart a fire that even Malik Sahib will not be able to extinguish. More...

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The Detailed Judgement

By: Hakim Hazik

The court has with patience and with a generosity of spirit examined the presentation of the learned defense counsel Aitzaz Ahsan ASC and has been unimpressed with his bizarre antics. This is a far cry from the time when he was the doyen of the movement for the rule of law in this country. More...

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The Soft Strategic Depth

By: Hakim Hazik

Durand Line divides the great land mass of Fak-Ap and the bottom of Maulana Fazlur Rehman into two parts. This does not mean that one part has primacy over the other. The local people are aware of it and travel freely across it to see their kith and kin. More...

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The Rule of Law

By: Hakim Hazik

This court finds you Yusuf Raza Gilani s/o Syed Alamdar Husain Gilani, guilty of willful flouting of our orders and of contempt of this court.

We have tried our best to improve your letter writing skills. We have employed the best tutor in the land, the most famous and able grammarian after Panini, Professor Ahmed Shuja Pasha, to give you private tuition in letter writing and composition, but you have willfully not availed of this opportunity. More...

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The Fastest Growing Religion

By: Hakim Hazik

In the end, justice and the true message has prevailed. Faryal Bibi was allowed to go with her lawfully wedded husband. There is no doubt that she had embraced the true message of her own volition and after careful consideration of its beauty and simplicity, in the two hours that she was taken from her home and driven hell for leather to the dargah sharif, to be married to the pious bridegroom chosen for her by the Pir Sahib. More...

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The Tsunami Warning

 

By: Hakim Hazik

Never has the Ummah been at such cross roads. A bunch of terrorists led by the notorious Farzana Bari invaded the parliament and spoke to the Maulana with insolence in their eyes and venom in their voice. Maulana, to his credit, exhibited extreme self-control and did apply any physical reprimand which is allowed to him under our sacred law and custom. More...

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