By: Hakim Hazik

This splendid ship has dropped anchor in the port of Gawadar. No, no I do not mean any of the celebrated TV presenters, who are all here, flown first class, courtesy of tax payer and IMF and put up in the excellent Intercontinental hotel. More...

Letter from Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Nawaz,

We are in receipt of your kind missive and your Christmas card, please accept our greetings and of our subjects on this auspicious occasion. We were pleased to know that you are partaking of the blessings of the Almighty in the holy borough of Southall. There are indeed many rewards which await the faithful; those who stand firm in face of the trials brought on them by the Almighty and those who eschew heretical and dangerous notions such as liberal democracy More...

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother,

Please accept our greetings for the festive season from the holy land of South Hall. This is a bastion of the Ummah and a safe haven for the faithful in the Increasingly Islamic Republic of Inglistan. I would urge you your majesty to break your auspicious journey at Lahore Karahi, when you next travel to the blessed land of Marbella. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

This is a live transmission from the Mehsud International Airport, formerly Benazir International Airport, formerly Islamabad International Airport. Our most honoured guest, his Excellency Mullah Abdus Salam Zaeef, the special representative of the Caliph of Islam, Mullah Mohammad Omar will shortly disembark from his donkey cart. Two children dressed in traditional attire and suicide jackets will present him bouquets of flowers. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

The infidels will try to snuff out the lamp of truth but their hollow and empty breaths will be useless. Due to the hypocritical and faithless policies of our leaders, due to the conspiracies of Hindu, Zionist, American, Qadiani, Buddhist, Baha’i, Kharji, Inuit and Blackwater lobby, our tribal areas have been transformed from citadels of world jihad to killing fields of drone war. This has all been made possible due to NRO, which has allowed our leaders to become willing tools in the hands of Zionist, imperialist, Brahmin, and secular communists. More...

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

I think so that Afzal Sindhu’s brain has gone falty. He is saying that I have eaten bribe fram Sui’s Suthren Gas. He is saying that Shriek Chairman has money in Suiss Bank.  I am saying to you, fram A to Z, it is a lie. No no, I don’t mean that brather AZ is a lie. He is af course the Shriek Chairman and the pazident af the nation, and I am his best brather and chief dvisor. I spoat him and he spoats me. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

The first mouth watering tranche of American greenbacks is about to arrive. O, the intoxicating smell of freshly minted dollars, from the perfumery of the Federal Reserve Board. How our diligent ministers have waited for this manna from heaven. This ransom will many coffers fill. The mansions, the farmhouses and the bank accounts will be filled to the brim with prosperity and good cheer. More...

The Quaid Ispeaking

By: Hakim Hazik

Pilease come and visit my madest ibode in the Mill Hill area. It is worth an ismall sum of one million pounds. It is the philosophy of Muttahida never to cirave luxury at the expense of poor and midil cilass peepil. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

‘From the drinking of camel milk and eating of lizards, the bloody civilian has reached a stage where he dreams of the throne of Kayani. Woe betide the day it happens.’ (Firdausi)

More...