Shriek Chairman’s Bum

September 17, 2011 at 10:39 AMAdministrator

 

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Where you were on nine leven? I was eating Benazir Qulfa near Pani Wala Talab. I would normally go to Mochi gate for Seekh Kabab, but it was tweezday and I don’t eat meat on tweezdays. I saw it myself with my own eyes on tally viyun. The fust plane then the sacond plane. Peepals running like chickens in New Yarak. Tawars falling. I thought inside inside my heart, Allah Pak take mercy, they will come after Brather Usama Bin. More...

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For God And Country

September 10, 2011 at 3:27 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

It is time that Admiral Mullen realized that God is on our side. To go against the will of God will cause global warming, a nuclear holocaust and quite possibly a double dip recession. The will of God is not to go into North Waziristan. North Waziristan is the promised land where the Son of Man will land to slay the beast and to start the Millennium. We must wait for the opportune time and not be provoked into precipitate action just because there is an election every four years. More...

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The Gullible in Gujranwala

September 10, 2011 at 3:20 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

The Eid ul Fitr was celebrated with the usual religious fervour across the length and breadth of the country. Actually, at least four moons were sighted and at least three Eids were celebrated, the majority of them in Khyber Pukhtunkhwa. Some members of the Moon Sighting Committee have revealed to this correspondent in confidence, that actually nine moons were sighted, but it was thought in the public interest not to disclose this information at the present critical juncture in Ummah’s history. More...

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The Holy Battle of Ind

September 10, 2011 at 3:16 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

As we set off on this epochal journey, as we made a tryst with destiny, we made a promise   to Ummah, that we will never touch aloo gosht. As we know and the whole Ummah knows, that aloo gosht is against the Two Nation Theory. We would never have thought that this dark moment will come to pass when Nawaz Sharif will descend to these depths of crassness and depravity, that he will not only eulogize aloo gosht but ghia gosht as well! More...

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Phone Britannia

August 20, 2011 at 6:32 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hakim Hazik

 

By the girace af Gad, the midil cilass revolution has arrived in Englistan. Naoo, I do nat need the tally phoon to ispeak to my peepil. They are right there at my door istep, burning wheely bins and ransacking Ladbrokes. The message af United is ispreading like wild fire. It has ispread to Bulbul Hampton and Livel Pool, in addition to Kati Pahari and Kasba Caloony. Camden Town and Orangi Town have become one and the same town. More...

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Ghazwa e Hind

August 2, 2011 at 8:25 PMAdministrator

 

 

 

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

We believe that begging is against the national character and undermines our self respect as a nation. We have therefore broken the begging bowl. We think however, that mugging is in keeping with the national character and aspirations and promotes our geo-strategic depth.  More...

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A Telephonic Address

August 2, 2011 at 8:19 PMAdministrator

 

 

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

We trust in God and his midil cilass apostles. We believe in Hazrat Uzi. We think he biraught His bilessings and piratection to the United nation. His out istanding cantribution to humanity and the Gireat Port City was the Uzi sub machine gun and the machine pistol. This has allowed the rule af la to established in our community which is able to live in peace and fire upon the brigands and sub human ambulance dirivers firam the comfort af their own homes or as they dirive by on their jaunty motor bikes.  More...

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Make Love Not War

July 9, 2011 at 9:13 AMAdministrator

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Tauba Tauba, Allah Maafi, What is happening in Salamabad? The Mreecans have gan mad. They are holding this convention where all the peepals of third world, acdc,  gays and lesbalians are coming. Only narmal peepals af Pakustan Peepal Paty are not coming. Every bady is so shamed that no bady is taaking. Every bady is keeping his mum. More...

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Golf With Honour

July 4, 2011 at 7:24 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

We believe in the fundamental right of all human beings to play golf on a sunday. We support the inalienable right of self determination of all people, including the Kashmiris, the Baloch, the Afghans and the Central Asians, under the visionary guidance of the ISI’s human rights committee, headed by Brigadier Ijaz. More...

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London Bridge Is Falling Down

June 26, 2011 at 5:17 PMAdministrator

 

By: Hamid  Ateeq

لندن دا پل ٹٹ چلیا اي

میری پیاریئے گوریئے میمے

 

لکڑ، گارا لے کے آئیے

رل کے پل نوں فیر بنائیے

 

لکڑ گل کے ٹٹ جانی اے

قسمت تیری پھٹ جانی اے

گوریئے میمے۔۔۔۔

لکڑ ہاریئے گوریئے میمے

More...

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Wiki Takes A Leak

June 26, 2011 at 5:07 PMAdministrator

 

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

The pious corps commanders have expressed in categorical terms that we will not take dictation from Satan and Admiral Mullen any more. We should declare that our sovereignty is supreme and inviolable, surrendered only to God and men of God such as Aiman al Zawahiri. We should return the nineteen dollars ninety nine, we had borrowed in good faith from the USA due to temporary cash flow problems. We should rely on our own resources. We should squeeze our population till the pips squeak. We should pray to Allah, the Sovereign of the universe and sustainer of the GDP. More...

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Imam Kalashnikov

June 20, 2011 at 8:39 PMAdministrator

 

 Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Imam ul Ummat, the chosen of God and the leader of the faithful, Sheikh Mikhael Timofeyevich Kalashnikov was born in the sacred region of Altai, in the Vilayat of Russia in 1919. He saw action on the Western front, against the infidel Panzer division, which led to confusion and catastrophe in the legions of the Faith. He retired therefore to his Black Sea dacha to ponder over the grave challenges facing the Ummah. After deep reflection and intense meditation, he was led by the God Almighty to the path of success and salvation. He became the inventor of the AK 47 sub machine gun.  More...

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Tehreek e Namoos e ISI

June 10, 2011 at 8:10 PMAdministrator

 

 Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

A vicious campaign has been launched to malign the mother of all agencies and against the father of all strategic deterrents. We must fight with determination to protect both. We must start with eating grass and move swiftly to snakes and lizards, with which the Almighty has blessed this land of bounty. More...

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A Few Good Men

June 10, 2011 at 7:57 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

As the fifth columnists and fellow travelers and online journalists are identified and eliminated one by one by the International Sensitive Agency in a sensitive and humane manner, there is one question that comes up again and again. This is the major question facing the Ummah today. Is Ijaz Butt circumcised? There are other questions such as: Is he actually Ijaz Butt? We do not give credence to the rumours that he is actually Abida Parveen in drag. More...

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The Regional Solution

May 28, 2011 at 1:54 PMAdministrator

 Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

 

I am very sad today. I am crying. They have tacked the Suzuki Mehran Base and killed innocent innocent peepal and destroyed the Orions we loved so much, on which we had spent so much money. With this money the Shriek Chairman could have baught at least ten thousand Qingchis and opened at least three counts in Sweezerland. 

 

Shriek Chairman has gan to Mascow. He has seen the Sukhois. He has ridden in the Ladas. Shahsab has gan to Peeking. He has seen the janyan madels of Qingchis and given the Cheeni brathers the punkha which they are going to change into the helicapter once again. Our determination as a nation should nat be underestimated. Democracy is the best revenge.  More...

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امریکہ نال لڑ بیٹھے آں

May 24, 2011 at 10:43 PMAdministrator

Hamid Ateeq

امریکہ نال لڑ بیٹھے آں

پوچھل شیر دی پھڑ بیٹھے آں

گدڑ چوکیدار بٹھا کے

باندر لیڈر کر بیٹھے آں

More...

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Banu Carbon

May 20, 2011 at 6:58 PMAdministrator

 

 Letter to Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

 

Dear Sahib-Al-Naft, Jalalat-ul-Carbon, please accept greetings from your brother and salutations from your bhabi.

 

Your Majesty, I must pay tribute to yourself and the whole Aal e Naft for the immense contribution made to the renaissance of the Ummah. You have not only turned the land of oil and sand into the land of milk and honey, but also made it the scientific and cultural capital of the world. More...

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The Beatification of Bin Laden

May 15, 2011 at 5:35 PMAdministrator

 

 Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

 

We have all gathered here today to honor the late OBL, academic, exegete and professor of asymmetric warfare at the PMA Kakool. He has become a legend in death, as he was in life. More...

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Power to the People

April 30, 2011 at 8:20 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

One of the pleasing aspects of the growth of democracy in Pakistan is the empowerment of those communities who have been at the margin of the society. 

No no, don’t take me wrong. I do not mean the politicians. I am not saying that the power has been devolved, God forbid, from the GHQ to the parliament; that of course cannot be allowed in an Islamic polity and would be against the principals and strongly held values of the Republic. It would be against the Holy Book and the Objectives Resolution and would be an attack on the ideology of Pakistan. We cannot allow our society to be polluted by decadent ideas which the liberal secular fascists steal from the west and then try to use them to promote their agenda of dismemberment of Pakistan. More...

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بابے طورے دا درس

April 24, 2011 at 1:26 AMAdministrator

By:Mohammad Ayub

More...

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