Jihad is Many a Splendored Thing

March 18, 2013 at 10:00 PMAdministrator

 

 

 

 

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

Nakedness and obscenity is spreading through the neighbourhoods. This will bring down the state and destroy the our society as the family values are ruthlessly uprooted, women come out on the streets with uncovered faces, and our ulema who are the guardians of these age old values are regularly insulted. 

 

It is clearly written in all the holy books that virtuous women should remain quiet if faced with the assault and rape. They should quietly go to prison for the greater good of the Ummah. If they make a hue and cry about it, it will lead to chaos and breakdown of social mores. It may allow the foreign and anti Ummah organisations such as CIA, MOSSAD and Code Pink to infiltrate our society and destroy our virtue and honour, as they have long sought to do. More...

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Lhor Lhor A

March 18, 2013 at 9:42 PMAdministrator

 

 

Tuzk e Jahangiri

 

Hakim Hazik

 

Af course I grew up in Lhor. Played bantas in Pani Wala Tlaab and ate kebabs from Mochi Gate and when I got the upset stomach, went to Myoo Haspataal for the drip. This was before the time of Shaitan Zia ul Haq and his adopted sons who came to rule the Gormint House. 

 

Central Maadel School was still Urdu Medium and GN Butt Sahib would still want us to become Murgha if we did nat write the takhti or if we ate phutta during recess. There was no computer lab with a phatti fram the USAID and Boota still sold the Nan Cholay spiced up with bhang. More...

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Anarkali

March 16, 2013 at 6:07 PMAdministrator

Mudassar Bashir

 

Anarkali’s name and her story is an unforgettable one. When we look into the pages of history, there are various conflicting accounts of her story. One group says that she was Prince Saleem’s lover and was a pretty slave girl in Emperor Akbar’s court. Her name is  variously described as Nadira begum, Sharf un Nisa or Shareef un Nisa. Emperor Akbar never approved of her relationship with Shekhu (Prince Saleem). He could not put down the fire of love that burned in her heart and, in anger, bricked her up in a wall. When Prince Saleem ascended the throne, he erected an elegant mausoleum over her grave.More...

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Karachi, Gawadar, Dubai

March 3, 2013 at 3:35 PMAdministrator

 

The Quaid Ispeaks

Hakim Hazik

 

 

Dear Dr Isharat ul Ebad Bhai, 

 

May God lengthen your life expectancy and keep you on the throne of Krianchi till the end of time. I have received the disturbing news that you have nat been feeling very well and have gaan to Dubai for a bit of R & R, with the help af a Chinese massage. I think this is a capital idea especially when the provincial capital is racked with the violence af the naan Chinese naan Mutahidda, unscrupulous, newly arrived, qabza and bhatta gangs. More...

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Puristan or Bust

March 3, 2013 at 3:32 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

To,

Field Marshal Avatar P Kayani Esq.

Commander in Chief

The Armed Forces 

The Islamic Republic of Puristan

Dear Sir, 

Sorry to bother you at this time of the day which may prevent you from joining the game of golf that is so critical for the national security. I do apologise for this intrusion. I know that the national leaders like your selves require equanimity and peace of mind, that would allow them to be unflinching in their commitment to the well being of the respectable people in the length and breadth of the country. More...

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The Caliphate of Calgary

March 3, 2013 at 3:29 PMAdministrator

 

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

Our beloved leader was born in the ancient city of Jhang which has long been a cradle of civilisation. He cut his ecclesiastical teeth on the handouts of the holy Ittefaq conglomerate which is a beacon of hope and enlightenment in the darkness of Lahore. More...

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The Five Year Itch

March 3, 2013 at 3:25 PMAdministrator

 

Tuzk e Jahangiri

Hakim Hazik

 

Pateeshan, pateeshan, pateeshan. 

 

My ears are cooked by these pateeshans. Does Choisab has no other work to do? Every Tam, Dick, Harry, Majha, Saja and Gama can arrive fram Mrs. Saga and start a revolution. When they say they don’t like the Lection Commission, what they mean is that they don’t like lections. And why nat sir ji? Becaz the lection may nat give the right results. The lections should bring nice nice peepal who are sadiq and amin and have a silver sapoon in their mouth, made in Toronto and palished in Madel Town. More...

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Rent-a-PM

March 3, 2013 at 3:21 PMAdministrator

 

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

All are welcome to visit our brand new facility at the Constitution Avenue. We provide caretaker prime ministers, interim government leaders, technocrats and religious leaders at very competitive rates. 

 

All our personnel come with a warrantee of a minimum of ninety days which can be extended to eleven years for a small monthly amount. (Terms and conditions apply, see the registrar Supreme Court for a detailed plan, customised to your needs). More...

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A Dream Come True

March 3, 2013 at 3:15 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

I have a dream.

 

I have a dream that one day the nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident that all civilians are created equal’. 

 

I have a dream that one day, in D Square of the parliament on the banks of Euphrates, the sons of Yazid and sons of Husain will sit down on plastic chairs inside a bomb proof container and thrash out a plan for an equal share of the Government loot. More...

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The Full Monti

January 12, 2013 at 10:34 AMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

All the stake holders must be asked. The Field Marshal is a stake holder. He has made great sacrifices in the line of duty. He drank three cups of tea with Admiral Mullen. That was no small feat of physical endurance and mental tenacity, for which our armed forces are rightly famous around the world. More...

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Rani Gul Begum

January 6, 2013 at 4:18 PMAdministrator

By: Mudassar Bashir


Gul Begum was better known as 'Rani Gul Begum'. She was one of the courtesans from Amritsar. Maharaja Ranjit Singh was quite open about his relationships with courtesans throughout his life. A courtesan called Moraan was his favorite for a very long time during his reign over Lahore. She used to be known as 'Rani Moraan' in the court and city. One can still see a few buildings built by her in Punjab including a mosque in Papar Mundi Lahore. After her death, Moraan was buried next to Hazrat Tahir Bandagi in the Miani Sahib Graveyard. More...

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The Paradigm Shift

January 5, 2013 at 1:10 PMAdministrator

 

 

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

 

Major General Asim Saleem Bajwa, DG ISPR, when talking to this correspondent has outlined the new paradigm of War and Peace that has been developed in the Rawalpindi Golf Club after a game of 19 holes and an excellent serving of ox tail soup to round off a great day at the links. More...

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The Santa and the Betel Leaf

January 2, 2013 at 3:39 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

Glad tidings to the faithful. Father Christmas is here. He wears white and not red and brings goodies for the believers wrapped up in khaki and not tinsel. Very soon he will kiss the Field Marshal,  under the branch of mistletoe and with the waving of the silver topped cane with the regimental monogram, the two will be joined in holy matrimony to love and to cherish in sickness and in health, in war and in peace,  during marshal law and civilian rule, so help them God. More...

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Tehrik e Tetanus Pakistan

January 2, 2013 at 3:35 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Press Statement:

We are winning this war. So far we have killed 9 enemies of Islam and CIA agents. If the CIA, does not back down, we will kill all our health care workers and infect all our children with polio. That will show them. More...

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Jiye Blighty

January 2, 2013 at 3:32 PMAdministrator

The Quaid Ispeaks

Hakim Hazik

Dear Peepil of the Gireat Port City, the Chief of the New Iscott Land Yard came far tea to the Edgware aafice. Yours tiruly co-operated fully. We had a nice, one to one, about impartant pirablems facing the nation. (Bilighty). I shared with him my extensive experience in how to police a major city, (Chicago). I was emotionally overcome reminiscing the fond memories of the late father of the nation (Al Capone). More...

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Justice Bindial Almighty

January 2, 2013 at 3:27 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazi

The Almighty has spoken. Never since the beginning of the universe has He spoken in such clear terms. He called all the angels and the archangels, secretaries and deputy secretaries, qasids and naib qasids and said that the dam be built. All should bow in submission to this Being created out of mud, the vicegerent of the Almighty and given supremacy over all Creation. Those who refuse and rebel will fall from favour and be driven from power, as the Almighty giveth power and it is his to take away. More...

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The Holy Peninsula

January 2, 2013 at 3:24 PMAdministrator

Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Praise be to Allah who has allowed us to bulldoze all signs of idolatry including the houses of Sahaba and the graves of the Baqee Cemetery to make room for the amenities of a pious and modern life, including DiorTM and Nina RicciTM. Salutations to the Creator who has blessed us with asphalt which is more powerful than sand and with which we can build large squares and piazzas, ideal for the public execution of Bangladeshi infidels and Sudanese witches, to the blessed recitation of Qari Al-Ghamdi. More...

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Pillar Talk

January 2, 2013 at 3:17 PMAdministrator

Tuzk e Jahangiri

Hakim Hazik

Shriek Chairman is shrieking with laughter. Tears are rolling down his cheeks. Field Marshal has come to sit on the carpet with his cap in the hand and his brather has come on his NATO tanker with ‘maan ki dua’ painted on its behind with a photu of Yoob Khan. More...

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The State vs. Petraeus

November 17, 2012 at 6:41 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

Indictment

 

General David Howell Petreaus,

 

You are accused of having an unlawful affair in violation of the terms of your employment, and the prestige of your office. You are accused of giving unprecedented access to the General Atomics MQ 1 Predator, also known as Paula Broadwell. You are accused of having in your annex two Libyan prisoners and an unauthorized piece of dangerous armament called Gill Kelly. Because of these indiscretions, your private parts, national security  and the world peace has been put at risk. More...

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The Hand of God

November 17, 2012 at 6:36 PMAdministrator

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

 

All the state institution should stay within their limits. These limits are decided by the supreme commander of the armed forces and the master of the universe, the living avatar of God on earth, the emir of the faithful, chief of the army staff, Yours Truly. More...

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