Our last victory
The war started after we had crushed extremists, killed almost all their civilian supporters, captured their leaders, and had taken full control of the North. It was the summer of 2009. What happened afterwards was something we did not expect. We were simply unprepared for it. We fought bravely however, and won the war, as we did in 1971, and off course in 1948, 1965 and 1999 (There are other similarities among these wars, for example we did not expect Indians to attack Lahore in 1965, but we fought bravely with the help of both "angels & the demons" and won the war. We also did not expect Indians to react so aggressively in 1999. This only proves our point that Indians were always ready to attack us. As for our brave and intelligent soldiers who perished in war, well nearly all of them, they went straight to heaven and now they are enjoying red wine and 70 hoors per person. Lucky basturds. But some of them are so greedy they want “plots” in “Jannat Housing Scheme, by the Behria Society). You see we had an advantage over Indians, we always went to heaven and their soldiers always went to hell. If you look at the figures, you will realize we have managed to transfer more "jawans" to heaven than Indian soldiers going to hell. I am sorry, for being circumstantial. I was trained to be circumstantial. So, don’t blame me. If you are a bloody civilian, you can not understand my verbal and non verbal language. In fact, if you are a stupid civilian, you must not read this at all.

You are still reading. OK, I forgive you. After all we need you. How can we practice our management skills without you? So, carry one. But read carefully. We are writing history. In fact, we are not only writing history, we are also re-writing history. We have done this for nearly 80 years. For example, we changed the text books last week. We had no other option. I am so happy that not all bureaucrats, politicians, scholars and journalists in this country are traitors (Only 2% are, the problem with the rest is that they are civilians). They helped us a lot in this endeavour. It is important that our children know what is true. They should know that the history of modern Pakistan started when Muhammad Bin Qasim Al-Thaqafi crossed the Sindh-Sadiq Abad border (We are so lucky to have large populations of "musallis" in the rural areas of Rahim Yar Khan. They were not only the first Muslims, they also live a very humble life, which helps us in getting foreign aid and raise the levels of “piety" in our beloved country. Some people say musallis accepted Islam at the hands of Sufis. This is not true. Mr Sufi was from "Chinese controlled neighbouring country, Pakhtoonistan" and never came to our holy land. Ours is the land of holy warriors, we have nothing to do with Sufis). Please also note that Rahim Yar Khan has nothing to do with Khans (especially one of the last leaders of Taliban movement in Pakistan, Imran Khan, he was a Niazi anyway, who are of Turkish origin).

Talking about conflicts in the past, we should always remember that yesterdays' enemies can be today’s friends. Human beings are dynamic. They change. Do you remember, how Taliban changed into extremist monsters?. So, changing policies and changing labels is all according to Islam. Islam is not as inflexible as people think. Islam has been and always will be our guiding principle. What we did to Bengalis, Beharis, Baluchis, Sindhis, Kashmiris, Muhajirs and Pathans, was all according to the golden "doctorine of Islam". The problem is that civilians do not have the vision that a "momin sipahi" has and therefore they can not see what we can see. We are so lucky that we acted in time and not only taught "Bhooke Bengalis" a lesson, but we also caused serious damage to Indian economy by surrendering to them (imagine feeding 70,000 soldiers). The same tactics were used with Bengladesh by leaving 300,000 Beharis there (imagine feeding 300,000 Pakistanis). And no comments about pretty Bengali women or Benglai teachers. That was necessary to lower educational levels of Bengalis and sperm levels of our soldiers. You must be thinking about Baluchis and the reason why we helped them in their independence war. Well they hated us, so we had to hate them in return. We always knew Baluchis were taking money from Americans (unlike us off course). It is therefore not surprising that the Americans are controlling and supporting the Baluch government even today. We knew this from day one (I mean the day we occupied their territory). The reason we did not give them either gas or money for it was simply because we knew this will cause obesity and related health problems and they did not have enough doctors in Baluchistan then. But they are so thankless. They don’t even thank us for training them in warfare.  Kashmiris on the other hand had all the facilities, but they were also thankless. Do you remember how we helped them after the 2005 earthquake? All they remember now is that we gave them only Rs.20,000 per family and abused their girls. Well, Rs. 20,000 was a big amount in 2005 and as for the girls, this is what  منڈے کھنڈے  do (This phrase generally describes the policies of our holy army). What was the big deal about it. And, as for Muhajirs, they never accepted this country (apart from Altaf Bhai off course, who was our close ally and who had both the vision and the charisma). So these Muhajirs and Sindhis were always close to Indians, a fact that is apparent in Sindho Desh's on going support by India. It is not surprising that this was expressed in our poetry from the very start. I still remember from my childhood days this beautiful verse;      
*** ہندوستانی بڑے حرامی، کھاتے پان مراتےگ .  So, you can see we were always right. These people were never sincere with Pakistan. So, it is a good thing we got rid of them all. I think soon we need to get rid of Saraikis as well, because they are asking for their independent province. But we believe in independent country for those who ask for independent province, because we have big hearts and not narrow minds. But we train them in war tactics before we free them, because we are the land of holy warriors. They say we kept them poor. They talk about their apparent prosperity since we rejected them and deprived them of ourselves. Well, there were two reasons for this; these people were lazy, second, God loves poor people. Wealth is a weapon of mass destruction used only by the devil (Thanks God, we are protecting our weapons of mass destruction, even though our weapons of mass destructions did not protect us, just like the old civilizations, for example, USSR). Oh, and don’t even talk about their superficial democracy. Democracy is not allowed in Islam. What kind of Muslims are they (I don’t want to talk about problems these so called Muslim states cause to our holy land, in interrupting water supplies and transport to our holy land)?. But these are not real threats to our beloved country. The real threat to our sovereignty is from the enemy within us. Yes, I am talking about Shiites, Devbandies, Brailwis, Qadianis and Sarikis. Only our holy army can save us from these threats.  

Anyway, we were talking about the 2009 war of our independence. But before that I have to say that I feel proud in being head of the "Text Books Reform Committee". I feel honoured to serve my country with pen and sword (well pen mostly, as Ilama has said,لڑتا ہے سپاہی  مومن ہے تو بے تیغ بھی). But before we talk about that I should tell you about the great honour of meeting with the Commander in-chief, President, Prime Minister, Mufti-e-azam and Chief Justice of Pakistan last night. He was in a "good mood". He has made many sacrifices for this country. But the greatest of these is his "liver" (I dont mean jigar, as in "جگر کی حال اے?"). We talked about old times, when we banned the independent TV channels and internet, to protect our children from shameless western civilization and propaganda of the neighbouring countries, 20 years ago. He told me why he has given the contract for the bridges to his son (He is planning to use the dry rivers as motorways. Imagine how the trade will flourish in this country. He is a genius). He said Islam tells us to help our family members first and that merit is a non sense non Muslim idea. He is a pious Muslim and acts on Islam (he gave me many examples from Islam to support his last months’ fatwa of allowing alcohol, bribery and hijab). We all (I, General Abdullah Balouchi, General Hasan Nawaz Sharif, General Sattar Muhajir, General Ubaidullah Sindhi, General Gul Khan Junior and six ladies, who can not be named because they were drinking beer through hijabs). Our great leader issued a statement of support for separatist "mujahidins" in neighbouring Muslim countries. He said they are “warriors of Allah”. He talked about his plans of bleeding our neighbouring countries slowly to death (just like we did to the USSR and the USA). He was worried that we do not have enough supply of "Viagra" for our soldiers, dealing with separatists in Saraiki area. I assured him they have practiced enough and Inshallah, will cause serious damage to their self esteem.

(To Be Continued)

Lt. General Zameer Ul Islam
Vice Chancellor,
Capital University (formerly Punjab University)
Lahore
Pakistan

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Your post is just the same to the thoughts I was having today. Thanks for perfect ideas.  

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Do you have any more info on this?

The comments by you are the most idiotic and childish that i ve ever seen. come on and grow up, dont take Pakistanis too light!!!! this is 4 you and the other idiots like you.