JDP

You Scratch My Helicopter

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Letter to Brother Abdullah

Your Majesty,

Please find the statement submitted to the High Court on the behalf of your brother:

It was submitted that the helicopter was used essentially to airlift life saving supplies to the remote corners of the Punjab from the world famous, Haji Fazal Din Centre of Resuscitation and Rehab, inside Taxali Gate. The life support material transported included Siri Payas, Nihari and Harisa, produced under meticulously controlled conditions, in accordance with international standards.

These pioneering treatments are guaranteed to bring back terminal cases from the brink of death, and allow them shake off sickness and pestilence and send them long marching in glowing health. Strictly sterile conditions were ensured and special precautions were taken against lethal germs such as Taseeria noconfidencia and Pervezia redmosqia as well as salmonella and shigella.

In fact the defendant has a fear of flying and the former dictator took advantage of this medical condition to send him on a long haul flights abroad repeatedly and without provocation. This has violated all norms of decency and civilised behaviour as well as trampled on the civil rights of the defendant on a most blatant manner. As a result of this, the defendant has been rendered an invalid and is only surviving on long term dialysis of chooza yakhni provided by Haji Fazal Din. The air miles accumulated by the defendant are proving inadequate to pay for this costly treatment.

The sad part is that this happened inspite of the fact that the defendant, overcoming his aversion to flying took a long haul flight to Washington Dulles in July 1999, to see Mr Clinton. This was done for the sole purpose of extricating the body parts of the former dictator from the tightening grip of the enemy. This was done your honour, at no small personal risk to the defendant’s own body parts and a real danger that they would end up being part of the taka tak in Lakshmi Chowk.

It is also submitted that there was no proof that the defendant was the buyer of this infernal flying machine. The helicopter was actually bought by a citizen of Qatar and the defendant was only allowed to use it, as he is a member of the great body of Ummah. Ummah is like one body. If one part of it is in pain, the other part feels the hurt. Similarly if one part of it buys a helicopter, another part can ride in it, without having to submit an income tax statement to the Central Board of Revenue. This is the reality of the Islamic brotherhood, which the west does not and cannot understand.

I pray therefore Your Honour that this malicious and mala fide case should be dismissed and the defendant should be acquitted with honour. The National Accountability Bureau should be dissolved and its transferrable and non transferrable assets should be transferred to Haji Fazal Din. The defendant should be paid damages and cost and the Deputy Prosecutor General should be processed into yakhni soup to be awarded to the defendant for his troubles.

On the behalf of my client, I thank the court.

  

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