By: Hakim Hazik

At last the enemies of Islam have put a bounty on my head. As all the faithful know, it is a very level head. It is a treasure house of all the holy names that will come tumbling out if I undertake the Sufi practice of waterboarding in the famous Cuban khanqah, with the help of my acolytes and disciples from the dargah Langley Sharif.

Tears well up in my eyes when I think of Shaheed Abudllah Azzam. He would be very proud if he knew that Allah SWT has granted us this honour. Alas, he did not live to see this day and fell a martyr to the bomb of Shaheed OBL. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

Michelin Tyres for Better Burning:

For better results, buy Michelin tyre, burns longer with severely acrid smoke to rip out your lungs. Customer satisfaction guaranteed.  Money back if does not burn to your satisfaction or within 30 days if not used. Must be returned in original packing.

Note: terms and conditions apply. Must not be used for locomotion. Keep away from the reach of children.

FREE: For every buyer: 2 American flags, pretreated with special formula for efficient burning. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

This joint session of parliament resolves that the national sovereignty is supreme.

We are very grateful for the painstaking research undertaken by Professor Mad Hamid, the world renowned scholar of economics and the doyen of economics publications such as The Economist, the Far Eastern Economic Review and the Mad Magazine. He has quite clearly shown that the US owes us ninety billion dollars. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

At long last, we have the man who will be laughing all the way to Stockholm. An unbeatable contender who will trounce Edhi to win the Nobel prize. As accolades pour in from across the world, it is important to emphasize that this stalwart did not act alone but led a crack team of professionals with razor sharp minds and sharp razors in their pockets which they used to good advantage to cut any political throats on offer.  More...

By: Hakim Hazik

The worthy scion of Osmanli, the unrivaled Caliph of the faithful of the east and the west, the pillar of faith, the sword of Islam and the mole of the Ummah, General Ahmed Shuja Pasha has decided to take a retirement after a lifetime of serving the nation. He will undertake a journey to the Holy Land of District Khushab, to spend his days in reflection and contemplation of the power of the Almighty Nuclear Chain Reaction.  More...

The Quaid Ispeaks

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear daughters af the Mutahidda nation, rejoice. Yours was the biggest jalsa in the history of Jinnahpur. It has been certified by the Guiness Book of World Records and the London Metropolitan Police who have confirmed the size of the jalsa and the innocence of your birruther. It was the only feature in the bilessed Port City which could be seen from the outer ispace, ipart from the Defense Housing Society and the Amreekan Embassy. My eyes are wet, as I listen to the inspiring songs of Shazia Khushk. More...

Extraordinary Rendtion

By: Hakim Hazik

In the name of Allah, SWT, who created the universe which extends all the way to the Amu Darya. Blessed be His name who created the the Afghan jihad, Pak Arab Fertilizer Factory, Wifaq ul Madaris (Arabiyya) and Soft Stretegic Depth. 

Our blessing and salutations to Sipah Salar e Ummat, Field Marshal, Shadow of God, Avatar Pervez Kayani and Jasoos e Millat, Shadow of the Shadow, General Pasha the Lion Heart. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

My Lords,

On the behalf of the Sipah Salar, Field Marshal Avatar Pervez and the leader of the Maimanah, General Braveheart, I submit that the detention was legal under the Army Act 1952, section 2 sub clause 1 (d). More...

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

Lau ji take that, Tzasab is going to the Sapreem Coat, and nat yours tarooly, the highly qualified liar and moreover the Secty Journal af the patty. Haooever, Shriek Chairman says this is a good idea. He has asked me to write to Tzasab and reinstate him into the Central Zective Kmaitee. More...