Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Ya Akhi,

We are in receipt of your missive and the dromedary which is in the prime of youth and no doubt, is the pride of her race. She camels and women should be protected from the vagaries of time and the harshness of elements. They should be kept in protected stables and harems and provided tender grass and loving care. We thank  you for your tribute. Jazakallah. More...

Letter to Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Ya Akhi,

The Shaikh ul Tim al Horton is creating mischief and fitna on a grand scale. He is inciting the crowds to commit murder in the name of Islam. This cannot be allowed to go on. He lures young people with his visions of paradise so that they leave their homes and head towards D chowk disturbing the peace of the land and of the House of Ittefaq. 

As you know that the that the Shaikh started his career as my paid servant in the Ittefaq mosque and was thrown out because he was teaching the kids kamasutra whilst calling it  tajweed. It is true that I carried him up to the Hira cave. I wish I had never brought him back down. He has notions of disobedience and rebellion, but most importantly, Your Majesty, he works for a fee. He will write fatwas and take long haul flights to feed his blind ambition. More...

Extraordinary Rendition  

Hakim Hazik

I think both the Mirs had ample warnings. Hamid was shown the burning cross, time and again, by the patriotic circles. He was sent text messages, anonymous calls from easily traceable numbers, bullets in an envelope and even a bomb under his Honda. He willfully and criminally neglected to reform his ways. He continued to whine about the traitors who disappear from their homes, inflict on themselves horrific injuries, kill themselves and dump their own bodies in public thoroughfares, just to malign our valiant armed forces. More...

Extraordinary Rendition  

Hakim Hazik

Whilst the sleeper cells are sleeping during the day and watching Pakistan Ramzan during the night, our doughty warrior for democracy Syeda Shehla Raza has not been sitting idle. She has gone onto the national media, (currently operating on channel 539 in selected areas of the bloody civilian population) to bring to the public at large the details of the historic NRO. More...

Extraordinary Rendition  

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Shehbaz,

I am writing to you from the Jannat al Firdaus. There are not many politicians here; neither are there many car salesmen, estate agents, mullahs or priests. May Allah have mercy on them all and forgive their sins. 

It was a very hot summer day in Lahore. I suddenly felt that I was rising out of my cage. I then realised that I could walk on the heads of the crowd. In one leap, I was floating on 35,000 feet, higher than any stray bullets from Landi Kotal. Heat stroke is not a good thing my brother, but better than exploding mangoes, if you ask me. More...

Tuzk e Jahangiri

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brethren and Sistren in Islam,

Ramadan Kareem to you and to kullun Ummah and to those who followed the Shriek Chairman and did not fall into the trap of the fake mullah of Toronto and the secret mullah on the inside, Imran bin Khan  al-Mukhabirati. 

Ramadan is a month when the sins of the Ummah are forgiven and the ghost of Shaitan Zia ul Haq is bound in chains so that it does nat lead astray the faithful in the 111 Brigade. The letter P is also banished from the length and breadth of the Ummah and malaikas and auroras descend from the heaven, bringing the blessings of the letter B. More...

Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Noon,

May the Ramadan be karim to you and the Eid that comes at the end, auspicious for you and your family and mabrook for the Republic. 

We are pleased to announce a special package of relief for all the miskeen nations of the Ummah so that they can enjoy the barakah of the holy month side by side with the saliheen of the Kingdom. May Allah SWT continue to bless the Kingdom with the bounties of carbon and keep us safe from the efforts of the heretics to sow infamy and discord in the hearts of Princess Sahar and Princess Jawahar.  More...

Extraordinary Rendition  

Hakim Hazik

The divine light of faith filled my bosom. The angel in my dream asked me to board the flight EK 614 and do my duty. The angel wields a flaming sword. It cuts sharp and it cuts swiftly. It does not allow any obstacle in the way of protecting the honour and dignity of the angels. The mill of the angelic justice will grind slow but it will grind small. 

No enemies of God will escape, even those who hide in the Geo vans. We will break their glasses before we will break their necks in a non-violent and peaceful manner. Islam is a religion of peace, as I have written in my DIFID fatwa. Suicide bombing is not halal. Lynching the agents of Satan is halal. Shooting them in the stomach will earn you a place in Jannah. More...

Letter to Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Praise be to Allah who created the East India Company who created the section 144. 

Your Holiness, the Servitor of the two Harems, please accept peace and salutations of your brother and your humble servant from Dushanbe. 

The Prodigal Brother has overplayed his hand. He had hoped to quell the fitna that is poised to rent the fabric of the Ummah, by arrival of the Grand Mushrik of the Canadian tundra to the Dar ul Islam. Blood has flown in the streets and alleyways of Baldatul Model Town, as it had flown previously in the lands of Najd and of Hijaz. Salutations and peace be on the Aal e Sheikh and Aal e Saud. More...

Hakim Hazik

Extraordinary Rendition 

Our valiant soldiers have taken appropriate action to clear the airport by tracking down, surrounding and liquidating with extreme prejudice, the foreign militants who were trying to take over the Karachi airport. The C in C has congratulated the officers and jawans on their bravery and said that they have earned the everlasting gratitude of the nation. The PIA aircraft, Alhamdulillah, were not damaged. The precious machinery of the cold storage, by the grace of God has also survived. Seven patriotic workers have laid down their lives to protect this national asset. 

There was swift retribution by the sword arm of Islam, the Predator drone, which has taken out the 16 militants responsible for the attack. Brother Imran has been advised not to go shooting off his patriotic mouth and let the ISPR deal with the media. He has been strongly advised not the lie down in front of the NATO traffic. His heart is in the right place. In fact, his brain is in the right place as well, for safekeeping in the cold storage under the supervision of the ISPR. More...