Extraordinary Rendition
By: Hakim Hazik
The Pakistan Military Academy Akora Khatak has produced outstanding officers of international repute. Many of them have seen action in fighting the imperialist forces in Afghanistan and have met their martyrdom in North Waziristan, where our valiant army shall move according to its own schedule, when it no longer thinly stretched.
On the other hand, the Darul Ulum Haqqania in Kakool has issued a fatwa that according to our divine teachings, those who kill with a view to protecting the Blasphemy Law are national heroes of and should all be given Nihsan e Haider. Those who arrest them, hold them in custody, try them and sentence them, should all be killed and buried without a funeral prayer, or still better, burned when petrol is still cheap due to the N League ultimatum and IMF dollars.
The MM Alam Sabre should be removed from the Town Hall and in its place should be displayed the suicide vest that has become a symbol of our national resolve and determination. The circular debt is also a national symbol, iconic for the psychological importance. This represents the trajectory of our journey as a nation.
We have come a long way since the father of the nation, General Zia ul Haq Shaheed dreamt of the independent and sovereign state of Af-Pak in 1979. Very soon we will eliminate all that stands in the way of achieving the national ideal, by eliminating the American invaders, the curse of democracy, female education, the godless judiciary and the libertine media.
The Almighty has blessed us with unlimited resources, including wind energy produced by our religious leaders, Thar Coal, with which we can blacken the face of all enemies of Islam and eliminate load shedding, Rekho Dik goldmines which contain even more gold than what our leaders have in their bank accounts and our strategic nuclear assets which are in the safe hands. Although we think they would be much safer in the hands of the philosopher of Islam, Professor Zaid Hamid or the Mujahid of the Ummah, Maulana Masood Azhar.
The Pope has no business poking his dubious sceptre into the affairs of the Islamic Republic. We are sovereign nation. We have our own independent ghazis who can murder errant governors and be showered with rose petals by adoring masses. Blasphemy Law is the bedrock of our nationhood. Murder is our national identity. Qadri Sahib will be on the first flight to Rome, as soon as the bail is granted. Pope Sahib should strengthen his Elite Force and avoid eating out in roadside cafés.
By the grace of God, the Af-Pak is thriving. The fuel shortage is temporary. The Railways, to its credit has taken cognizance of the fast depleting fossil fuel resources and global warming, by warming to the idea of renewable energy. It has started a donkey cart service between Rawalpindi and Islamabad. If successful this will soon be extended to the other metropolitan cities such as Jalalabad and Qandahar. All our donkeys are renewable.
Long live General Mohammad Zia ul Haq Shaheed
Long live the Islamic Republic of Af-Pak.