Transcultural Dialogues
General (Retd.) Tinpot: In the name of the King Emperor, the president of presidents, George No Clue Bush, I bring you greetings from the people of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, the Untied Tribal Emirates of FATA, the National Socialist Republic of Balochistan, the United National Port Republic of Karachi and the Chinese People’s Protectorate of Gawadar.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown: In the name of the King Emperor, welcome to these islands, and to this humble abode, which is no way comparable to the grandeur and magnificence of your Neo-Mogul residence, but I hope you will make yourself comfortable.
Tinpot: I am grateful for you hospitality. Actually, due to my interest in the biosphere, I am very impressed to note that the species, which is dying out back home, seems to be thriving in these environs. In fact I have already seen some quite healthy specimens.
PM: O, you mean the Scottish Golden Eagle? Thank you General, it is one of the success stories of our conservation programmes.
Tinpot: No, no, I mean Pakistanis, there seems to be quite a voluble collection outside.
PM: I have to say that the canine symbolism used by your compatriots to describe Your Excellency is quite prevalent in these islands. My predecessor and the previous occupant of this modest domicile was also affectionately called the ‘American Poodle’. This was because of his fearless contribution to the project of bringing democracy to Iraq. Acting with determination and foresight, he did not let the prospect of one million Iraqi deaths stand in the way of freedom, which is the birth right of every Iraqi. In view of his contribution, and so as not to deprive the other nations of the Middle East of his awe inspiring skills, he has been given the special task of bringing peace to Palestine. Henceforth he will be called ‘Poodle Emeritus’.
Tinpot: Talking of Middle East, I had the great good fortune of meeting brother Ehud Barak, in Paris. I was very impressed with his love for humanity and mastery of techniques to rid the world of terrorism and insurgency. He has used the power and water supply to Gaza, with great skill and imagination to bring peace and tranquillity to that troubled land and also to solve the problem of over population. I was amazed to see that the grateful and jubilant Gazans pouring across the Rafah Crossing, in their tens of thousands, to be with their Egyptian kith and kin. These are exactly the kind of techniques, we are using in the Islamic Republic, although we call it ‘load shedding’.
PM: General, awkward though it sounds, I must bring up the matter of Mr. Rashid Rauf.
Tinpot: I think it may much more useful for your Government to pay attention to a far more dangerous militant present in our proximity, Imran Khan. Do you know that he has been carrying out a sustained and vicious campaign of vilification, personally against Your Excellency? He is campaigning for the elimination of all Brown Sahibs.
Also see Waziristan Textile Mills and Protest @ Downing Street