Extraordinary Rendition
Hakim Hazik
The holy month of Ramazan is near. The devil is tied down and the faithful are allowed to earn credits in the court of Allah SWT. We have put together a wonderful programme of prayer and submission to wipe out all your sins.
We will have the star entertainer and renowned religious scholar, Aamir Hamaqat Husain, MA, PhD, Bronte International University, British Virgin Islands, (previously, Trinity College and University, Malaga, Spain). He is well known to our viewers, having presided over the live execution of apostates in the Sind province and demonstrating to the whole world that ours is a religion of peace.
We will have Ms. Khan, the scourge of illegally courting couples who had become a menace to life and limb in public places. She, more than any other single activist, has claimed back these parks for the peaceful citizens of Karachi, where they can pursue the wholesome activities of gambling, drug dealing and target killing, without let or hindrance.
When all the debauchery and shamelessness that goes on in the name of civil liberties has been extinguished and the holy month has come to an end, she will hold a dinner and dance party with film celebrities and dance to the tunes of racy Bollywood numbers. May her efforts be accepted in the court of Allah SWT and may all the faithful be blessed because of her. Ameen.
Who is not aware of Dr Shahid Makhboot. Dr Sahib achieved sainthood when he converted the downtrodden refugee from Tharparkar, online, to the blessed message of Islam. The Ummah won a pious and devoted new member and the Makhboot household won a dedicated new servant, who diligently cleans the house and wipes the car every day.
Dr Sahib will be honoured in the Independence Day honours list by an award of the Presidential Pride of Performance, for promoting equality among the citizens of Pakistan. He will be the doyen of the star studded Ramazan cast, and will be holding Iftar parties amidst delightful water features and (halal) sausage shaped bolsters laid out on plush carpets.
Our viewers will remember that Dr Sahib brought back from the verge of extinction, the magnificent Dajjal with the help of doughty Gog and Magog. This remarkable effort has won kudos for him and the nation from prestigious international bodies, such as the World Wildlife Fund and the International Psychiatry Association who have given him the much sought after award of delusional psychosis. Allah be praised.
The holy month offers a wonderful opportunity to the Ummah for renewal and regeneration. We can rid ourselves of all that is frivolous or sinful, including cricket, mountaineers, film, music, drama, deviants, apostates, immunisation, primary education and false democracy through fraudulent elections. We can go back to the pristine glory of Islam, including blue shuttle cock burqa with a grilled visor, hand amputations, public executions, deniable wars, undeniable dollars, strategic depth, surface to air Stinger missiles, ever present religious scholars and the always missing, missing persons.
So help us Allah SWT.