Peter Higgs was a physicist, born in Edinburgh. At an early age he postulated the presence of massive entities called Higg’s bosoms which rivaled the achievements of Marilyn Monroe and Maulana Fazlur Rehman. He flirted for a little while with the Defense of Pakistan Council, but soon realized that this crush was futile and would not lead to any breakthroughs in cosmology.
It had became apparent that these entities provide gravity and substance to the universe starting from one billionth of second after the Big Bang which took place 13.5 billion years ago in Salala. Maulana did not agree and took his rival claims to the august international bodies such as Large Hadron Collider and WonderbraTM. These weighty matters were the object of a furious and heated dispute. This in turn caused global warming and the last Ice Age to come to an end, so that a ship crossed the Arctic Ocean which had melted and Mrs. Clinton Called Ms. Khar to say sorry jee.
Meanwhile the biggest laboratory in the world was in a ferment. Serious advances had been made in the field of blasphemy causing great excitement in the scientific community. The great Nobel Laureate Prof. Aamir Hamaqat Hussein went on national TV to launch his support for an International Centre for Public Lynching which has since been established in Trieste with the help of UNESCO and acts like a magnet for scientists from all over the word. Geneva and Ahmed Pur Sharqia have been declared twin cities. A great celebratory dinner is in the offing. Our sources tell us that the Prof. will be on the menu.
A Larger Hadron Collider has been built. It connects Kabul, Qandahar, Herat and Mazar-e- Sharif. It has the deceptive appearances of a national circular highway, but deep thinking strategic minds know better. All the chief scientists are properly circumcised. One should give credence to the claim that some of the architects are vegetarians. This mischievous disinformation has been spread by the 26 uncircumcised consulates which blight the landscape of this otherwise advanced and strategically deep country.
Very soon 30 ton trucks carrying sophisticated scientific equipment will be plying the length and breadth of the country. This will include walki-talkies for the TTP, boots for Peshawar Police and shampoos and bath foams for the Maulana. To promote the love of science, outlets will be opened at Tarnol and at Hayatabad to distribute these goods to replenish the supply for the avid minds thirsting for science, mentioned above. (There will be a complimentary camp fire for the customers).
This has been a long time coming. A lot of hard work has gone into it by the best minds known to humanity. As the world celebrates tonight, we must thank the real heroes both at CERN and at the Fermi Lab who have worked quietly behind the scenes to make this possible. The whole of humanity owes a debt to these doughty individuals who have shown that with determination anything is possible, including the restoration of NATO supplies at the same rate.