Transcultural Dialogues

By Hakim Hazik

Minister Rooh Afza: It is so nice to see you madam ji. I hope you are looking after your hair. When I was on the campaign trail with Mohtarma,  I was using amla leaf hair shampoo. In fact I was also using chick pea flour paste for my skin, soap nuts for my stomach and Safi™ for my circulation.

President Goldfinger: You look stunning madam ji; just like the flame out of my daddy’s hookah. Can I shake you by the hand? In fact I would quite like to hug you. I had plenty of practice hugging Brother Sharif. Although hugging him is like hugging a skinned caribou. And don’t forget Maulana Sahib. Hugging him is like hugging an oil tanker. In comparison, you are altogether a better prospect.

I also had a lot of practice shaking hands in front of the cameras. I have shook hands on deals, declarations and communiqués; in that order. There are some people who confuse photo opportunities with reality. I am sure you are not one of them. You obviously come from a good family like me.

Governor Barracuda: Thank you both, you are so kind. I am very honoured. It is nothing. Just healthy outdoor living, a simple clean lifestyle, moose hunting and vigorous campaigning for the Right to Life. This right does not apply to the moose and the Pakistanis of course. They have an unquestionable right to die. I am therefore advocating pre-emptive strikes within Pakistani territory, so that this right can be freely exercised by the citizens of Pakistan, and speedily achieved without any hindrance.

Check this rifle. This can fell a fully grown bull moose, at a distance of a thousand yards. 

President Goldfinger: Please come and visit our southern deserts madam ji. You can go hunting and shoot the three remaining specimens of chinkara deer, before our brothers from the Gulf process them into burgers. Or you could go for a pre-emptive strike in our north western region. Your will have to hurry though, as it may disappear off the map altogether, and you would have nothing to pre-empt.

Governor Barracuda: I am very grateful indeed. It is nice to know that there is so much appreciation of America among our friends outside America. I think this is all part of God’s plan. America is the nation most favoured by God and the rest of the world would do well to stay on the right side of America if they want to stay on the right side of God. I am all for God’s involvement in the government, in the army and in the Federal Reserve Board. Other wise the wrath of God may be visited on us, as it is being visited on America’s enemies.

President Goldfinger: I support God and I support America. I quite like to be the shadow of God in our part of the planet and exercise authority on His behalf. It is important that all the public functionaries realise this and remain sacked when they are sacked. This remains the will of God, unless they take a fresh oath.

Minister Rooh Afza: Don’t forget lemon juice mixed with fresh yoghurt. This would be perfect to preserve your lovely complexion, when you are in Washington.  

President GF: Bull Moose khapay