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Annual Public Hanging Festival

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Those who do not stick to the beaten track in international tourism are familiar with the much admired public hanging festival in Pakistan. It was founded by the father of the nation, General Mohammed Zia ul Haq in 1977, in the iconic Kot Lakhpat square in Lahore which has come to symbolise the values of freedom and justice that Pakistanis everywhere in the world hold dear.

Nearby is the legendary Kot Lakhpat prison which represents the holy grail of enhanced interrogation. Learned scholars from all over the world, including academics from MI5 and the FBI have taken part in meticulously controlled and carefully conducted scientific trials in disembowelling the enemies of Islam and sister civilisations in a humane and morally acceptable fashion. This has been possible by the research grants from the programme of Extraordinary Rendition, a direct continuation of the historic PL 480 programme run by the USAID.

The spinoffs from this cutting edge research have been considerable. Pakistan has taken rapid strides in these and  other allied technologies such as suicide vests and IEDs used to maximum effect in shopping centres and large gatherings in mosques and other places of worship. This has helped the nation achieve the highest standards in the field of mass murder and brought it at par with the other advanced nations such as the Islamic Republic of Congo.

One would be severely remiss not the pay tribute to the efforts of Allama Raymond Davis (God preserve his shadow), the doyen of the science of execution in public places. He has secured a place of honour in the hall of fame in the Kot Lakhpat Centre of Liquidation Studies, in addition to earning the reverence of the grateful Pakistani nation.

There was a tidal wave of public sentiment that he should be hanged publicly so that the debt of gratitude owed by the nation could be paid back, but unfortunately he had to leave for the University of Bagram urgently, because of prior speaking engagements. He will be sorely missed by the adoring masses and leading public intellectuals such as Maulana Peabrain Hasan. (God preserve his shadow).

Large public gatherings were held after the Friday prayers to bid him farewell and success in his future career in Darul Ulum Langley Sharif, under the leadership of Allama Leon Panetawi and Allama Robert Gatewy. (God preserve their shadows).

In a hurriedly called press conference, broadcast live from the C-130 at the Allama Iqbal International Airport,  Allama Davis expressed his gratitude to the Pakistani nation for their hospitality and generosity. He said that he looked forward to many years of close academic cooperation and institutional links developing between the seminaries of Langley and Aabpara Sharif. He singled out for praise, Sheikh Ahmad bin Shuja Al-Pasha of Aabpara and Sheikh Hammad bin Isa Al-Khalifa of Manama. He said without their personal interest, it is entirely possible that he may have missed his flight to Bagram.

He also expressed his support for the establishment of the Institute of Diyat studies at the International Islamic University.


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