Addressing a press conference, the secretary information of the PTI, Auntie Mausoleum has blamed Geo for the recent phenomenon of global warming. She said that PTI has been warning about the reckless behaviour of this channel since Allah SWT sent his angels to the Central Committee and apprised them of the grave situation.
She said that the angels had also visited the cable operators and given them the glad tidings that great rewards, including dish antennas and biometric SIMS await them in heaven. On the other hand if they stray from the straight and narrow path, it is quite likely that they will get a free tour of the irrigation system of the Punjab, the biggest in the world, by the grace of God.
She said that her party had given documentary proof that this channel was complicit in the signing of the disastrous Indus Basin Water Treaty, which is the main cause of the shortage of water and power in Pakistan and the rise of Hindu extremist to the positions of power in India.
New evidence is now emerging that global warming is causing increase glacial melt in the Himalayas and drying out of the aquifers in Aabpara. The corrupt leadership of the Noon League, in cahoots with the extremist leadership of the BJP, are doing nothing to stop this desolation. She warned that if the environment continued to be degraded at this rate, there is a great risk that the corrupt civilian control will be established over the national institutions. In which case the good Taliban will be booted out of Afghanistan and the Asian Elephant will become extinct.
Mrs Mausoleum said that her party had been involved in the outing of John Brennan who was the main culprit in causing the unprecedented house price rise in Islamabad and the epidemic of dengue in Swat. In one fell swoop he was removed from the holy land of G-5 in Islamabad and put on the plane to the Dulles Airport. The nation and the Ummah were rid of a great danger and the execrable drone programme lost one of its major protagonists. The whole nation celebrated this tour de force. The world luminaries, including Code Pink and Maulana Fazlullah, sent in messages of congratulations.
She said that the PTI has made great progress in developing a test that can give quick and reliable answers in separating good Taliban from bad ones and the honest cable operators from the corrupt ones. Good Taliban are those who play baseball in Afghanistan, whereas the bad ones play football in FATA. When the chips are down, the party will not be found wanting in supporting the angels who are close to God. For the sake of greater national interest, we will lick all the ideologically sound boots, especially if they are on the throat of the media. We will get rid of the corrupt judiciary, the corrupt government, the corrupt media and the corrupt election commission, even if we have to fight a tank battle.
Sialkot, here we come.