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Coalition of the Always Willing

General (Retd.) Khawaja Sug Parast and Maulana Oil Tanker: 

General KSP: Welcome Maulana, to the Coalition of the Always Willing. It is a blessing to have sagacious and pragmatic statesmen like yourself in this treacherous world.  

Maulana OT: (Trying to fight off General’s two Pekingese, who are showing there pent up affection by licking the non hairy parts of Maulana’s face) You are welcome General Sahib, I wonder if you ask these animals to stop as some scholars have considered them unclean? 

General KSP: Not to worry Maulana, I always gargle with Johnny Walker, Black Label; it cleanses the body and purifies the soul. Please have some.  

Maulana OT: If you insist General Sahib, but only provisionally. I prefer the pure white powder from Darra. It can open up the worlds, you never knew existed. Also excellent for Global Jihad Against Oppression or Global War On Terror, whichever is more profitable.  

General KSP: You know Maulana, my pir and mentor in Whiter than White House, says ‘You are with us or against us’. This is what I believe and practise 

Maulana OT: Sometimes General, these can mean exactly the same thing. Also he who says ‘no’, is not a politician.  

G: My sentiments exactly, it has become fashionable in our chattering classes to say ‘no’. Now look at this ungrateful fellow, Chaudhry. I gave him complete judicial autonomy to suo moto every thing under the sun, from kite flying to walima parties. But Maulana, this man’s arrogance knew no bounds; what does he do?  He goes chasing after the so called ‘missing people’

I have always told my boys to be careful when dealing with good-for-nothing riffraff. But boys will be boys. What’s the big deal if one or two of these scoundrels are bumped off? Why make such a fuss over it.  

M: No sense of proportion.  

G: Yes and also if we had not sold these scumbags to the Americans, where would we get all the money that keeps the economy ticking over? Where would be the national treasures like the Royal Palm, the golf course in the Defence Colony, Murree New City, Chak Shehzad, the new GHQ? These projects have brought happiness to the nation Maulana, which these bleeding heart liberals fail to see, but this also requires sacrifices.  

M: And then there are these pestilential media men, who refuse to tire of a topic. The even followed me to the Holy Land, when I got weary of the resignation debate.  

G: Absolutely. They bite the hand that feeds them. I gave them freedom. I gave them freedom to show those enemies of civilisation in Lal Masjid being incinerated. I even let them speak to their head honcho, live, for 12 days solid. I let them show the all the blood and gore around the country. But they must go and show those perfidious lawyers, who can not take mild disciplining from the police. 

M: Better in than out,  better you than others, better safe than sorry, better red than dead.  

G: And look at our defence achievements. Have we not bought 4.5 billion dollars worth of weapons this year? Have we not got a gleaming new fleet of F-16s? Are we not building this state of the art assembly line for nuclear bombs in Khaushab? We have to do this my dear Maulana, because we have to fight dangerously armed enemy countries at our doorstep.  

M: I think with all these developments, we can more than hold our own against India.  

G: No, no, no, not India Maulana, Waziristan, Waziristan.  

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