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General Pious Beg Mirza


By: Hakim Hazik

At long last, we have the man who will be laughing all the way to Stockholm. An unbeatable contender who will trounce Edhi to win the Nobel prize. As accolades pour in from across the world, it is important to emphasize that this stalwart did not act alone but led a crack team of professionals with razor sharp minds and sharp razors in their pockets which they used to good advantage to cut any political throats on offer.  

This is no other than General Pious Beg Mirza, (Tamgha e Jamhooriat), the inventor of Zarb e Momin and Strategic Defiance.  He defied the stooge Nawaz Sharif, in 1991 and stood up against the hegemony of the imperialist Americans to support the martyr Saddam Husain of blessed memory. He very nearly led the nation to glory and martyrdom but for the pusillanimity of the stooge Nawaz Sharif.

Ironically, it is the same Nawaz Sharif, whom he had hand reared in his back garden, with the help of the nemesis of the Soviet Union and the hero of Jalalabad, General Speed Bull. Like all the accursed criminal politicians, he repaid this kindness, by turning against the only institution that stands between valour and infamy and between survival and annihilation. He will never be forgiven for this act of treason and for the dastardly attempt at aerial piracy. 

The service rendered by these heroes can not be overemphasized. When the political dust settles and the unbiased future historian writes (his intellectual rigour sharpened by the ISI payroll), he will record the invaluable service made to Islam and jamhooriat, by the founders of the IJI. 

The day is not far when the defiant seed sown by General Pious will bear fruit. Turkmens, Tajiks, Uzbeks and Kirghiz will enter in droves into the citadel of Islam that is Pakistan. Myriad potentates will come and pay obeisance. They will be encouraged along the way with the help of the wholesome, interest free, sanitized and untraceable dollars, laundered to the world class standards. The soul of the Father of the Nation, General Mohammad Zia ul Haq will smile in heaven, as his disciples cloister themselves for meditation on audit trails in his blessed Mandible Square mausoleum.

There will be bombs in public places and educational institutions and Ulema will nurture their paunches and our souls as infidels are beheaded or welcomed into the fold of Islam at street corners. Every activist will get 72 plots in the Defence Housing Association, as surely as he will get 72 virgins in the hereafter. 

O the faithful of Khurasan and of Tranoxania; of Iran and Turan; of Ind and Sind: glad tidings. All the insolent TV reporters, and blasphemous cameramen: prepare to die. General Pious is setting sail.

(Those who will e-mail this article 99 times, will be on the right side of the Almighty on the Day of Judgment and will be given, as their mount, the many-a-times slaughtered goat of democracy to cross the razor sharp bridge of Siraat. Allah be praised)


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