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Lord of the Cable

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik



And it so came to pass that the Lord God spake to the Cable Operator in the desolation of Sinai. He was told that he and his community were the chosen of God. He should go forth and liberate the tribes of the faithful, held in captivity without justice, in Chak Shahzad. He was asked to borrow the divine rod wielded in the name of the Lord God, by the DPC and cast it on the ground when faced with PR setbacks.


And lo and behold, the rod turned into a python and ate all the channels which were spewing hatred against your Lord and against the two nation theory. Verily, the Lord will look after those who are righteous and do not go off message in times of adversity. 


The cables are many and sometimes can get crossed. Therefore, the message can end up at the wrong address. Your Lord therefore has had a meeting around the round mahogany table with the chosen among angels in revolving chairs. The rage of God was kindled against the service providers. It is now the divine command that important messages be sent through surface mail, with bullets inside a sealed envelope. Those with wisdom will learn and follow the right path. Those who try snooping on the e-mails of Lord God will meet an end that will be an example to those who are insolent and blasphemous. 


The channels have multiplied by the grace of the Lord God in the land of milk and honey. They have prospered and become exceedingly numerous. Some have fallen into the ways of infamy and have worshipped the golden calf. They have held partners with your Lord and called into question His supremacy. The Lord is not best pleased. He will visit devastation upon those who abjure the commands of God and seek salvation in Dubai.  


The Lord is pleased with his sons and daughters who pay heed to his commandments. Verily, they shall prosper and be successful in this world and the next. They will surely win the by-election and the next election, as the hand of the Lord, thy God will be on their shoulder. They will rise from the Canadian tundra and from the plains of Muridke and from the oasis of Zaman Park. They will prostrate themselves in front of the one True God and kiss his feet, and utter cries of Hosanna. 


The Children of Israel have been in captivity for too long. The time has come that they will be led to the promised land across the Soan river (Turn left on Kahuta Road, to reach DHA phase II). The saviour is ready and about to cast his rod in the water. Those who choose not to follow him will perish in the massive inundation that will come. The ramparts of Jati Umra will not offer any protection. You must apply immediately to avoid disappointment. There is special enclave for the overseas Children.


Hosanna to the saviour. Hosanna to the Lord of the Cable. 


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