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Lord's Prayer


Extraordinary Rendition

by Hakim Hazik 

O Lord, O Master, O Creator of the Universe and of Tribal Areas, I seek your forgiveness for the transgressions that I have committed. I have sinned. I don’t have Sind any more; neither do I have the Punjab, or any other province. I have also lost FATA, FANA and Azad Kashmir. I have lost the uniform, the elections, the assembly, Mushahid Oilcan, Sheikh Ding-Dong and Chaudhry Lickspittle. I can’t even find my glasses. The only companion I have got left is 58-2b. It is my pride and joy. When I stroke it, it purrs with pleasure. When it growls with hunger, it sends a shudder through the country. It is growling more and more, as it has not been fed since 1996.

Forgive me O master, as I lied when I said that we were hot on the tracks of Bin Laden and Zawahiri. I had them sleeping in the Camp Office all the time. When I said that I would bring the head of Mullah Umar on a spike, I was not telling the truth either. I was sending him his snuff regularly in Quetta.

I am seeing strange things O Lord. Yesterday I saw Bugti on the telly. He was playing cricket. He sent me a special coded message. He asked me to come and visit him in Dera Bugti. I told him that I prefer golf, but he said he would get me over, one way or the other. Maulana Abdul Rashid came knocking on the door this morning. He said he was Maulana Fazlur Rehman and wanted to be the prime minister, but he can’t fool me. He invited me to come and stay with him a while. I flatly refused. I will never fall into the trap of this crazy mullah. The women in black from Jamia Hafsa are on the march again, on the streets of Islamabad, with their dandas. They are disguised as lawyers, but I have seen through their conspiracy. I am not stupid. I am talking regularly to Benazir. I have asked her to keep her part of the deal, if she wants to be the prime minister. She said ‘be nice to Makhdoom Sahib’. I said I am already nice to Makhdoom Sahib. It is not my fault that Zardari wants 100% from now on.

Kayani has been a bit stand-offish. I asked him what happened to the angels. He said they could not vote because the Langley did not clear them. I told him it is Nadeem Taj who is in-charge here, not Robert Gates. He said he knows very well who is in-charge. Strange man.

The Armageddon is nigh. Kurd and Aitazaz are on the loose. They are Gog and Magog. Dajjal is hiding in the Judges Colony. Where is Shahid Masood? He has unleashed all these horrors. He must get a visit from Nadeem Taj. Maybe he will be a good lad like Kamran Khan.  

please also see:The Trial of Pervez Musharraf , Lota Nama


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