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Suck More Sugarcanes

Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik

Friends and Countrymen,

Lend me your ears.

The faeces af Inglush medium schools are going up. Most peepal in Pakistan Peepal Paty can nat ford them. But if we have to survive and make pragress, we must lurn Inglush. Otherwise we will nat have highly ejucated shriek chairmans and secty journals like me in future. I have decided to give faree tewshun in classical language and litrature, in Choona Mandi Metropolitan Univarasty, af which I have decided to become the Vice Chancellor.  

OK, Kiyanisaab has gat 3 years. There are some peepal saying that, actually, it is Shriek Chairman who has gat 3 years. It is nat Gilanisaab who giveth. Methinks, it is Kiyanisaab who giveth and who taketh away. We are nat to reason why. We are but to do what we are told and dye our hair.

The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their jawbones. So was it with Journal Zia. Kiyanisaab can nat be same to same. He is nat flagging journalists and paliticeans in Kot Lakhpat Jail. He is nat bradcasting their cries af pain with loudsapeakers. He is gentle. He is humane. For the past 10 years, he is sending the mischief makers to Camp Delta in the Caribbean. He is buying them orange suits. He is buying them candy.

He was once miltary secty to Shaheed Bibi Sahiba. Same to same as I am the secty journal. Since then, haoo ever, he has shund palitics, still some peepal say that he is ambitious. I say he is an hanrable man.

It is taroo that he did nat send Nadeem Taj saab to Bumbai. It is taroo that he tharew a fit on Kerry- Luger Saab’s bill. It is taroo that he wants saft satregic depth. But he is human and nobady is perfect. More worryingly, there is also a rumour that he may have an IQ. Naoo IQ is a very dangerous thing. Nobady in our journals has ever been accused af it. I hope to Gad far the sake af saft image and nashnal intrest that this rumour is nat taroo. Haoo ever, our army has an internal aadit mechanism to sapat such dangers. Thanks Gad.

To be ar nat to be, that is the question. That is to be in Fghanistan or nat to be in Fghanistan. Mreekans are beaten. They are going. Bama is half crack. If I saw him tomarrow, I would say, Oye Bamay, if you want to leave in a year, you do nat advertise it on PTV. You do nat send post cart to Mullah Umar and give him the good news. If Mullah Sahib knows you are leaving, why should he taak? Hain Ji. Crack af some place.

To Kiyanisaab I would say, Sir Ji, farget bout satregic depth shepth. There is going to be big civil war in Fghanistan when you are still the chief. Taliban will win. Then they will come far you. They will want real satregic depth. Nothing saft shaft.

Read the writing an the wall sir ji. (In Inglush)

Mohammad Jahangir Badar

Choonamandi Metropolitan Univarasty.

Inside Shah Alami Gate

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