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The Aabpara Oracle

The Quaid Ispeaks

By: Hakim Hazik

Peepil of the Punjab, rejyce! The juggernaat of Muttahidda is coming in you direction. The Almighty has ispoken, even to Imran Khan and Chaudhry Shujaat. When the Almighty ispeaks, peepil have to listen, especially those bilanging to midil cilass; otherwise they can disappear to meet the Almighty.

As you know the Almighty ispeaks to his chosen peepil firam time to time. It used to be in pilaces like Delphi and Sinai in the past. Naoo a days it is in the holy oracle of Aabpara. Imran was an the phoon firam Lahore. He has seen the light. He has been saved. He has piramissed nat to file the laa soot. I piray to Gad that he his ispared the wrath af Gad and the ire af the Sector Commanders, naoo that he has seen the error af his ways. May Gad girant him peace and divine rewards, such as piratection money and sacrificial skins. May Hugh Grant be visited upon by an electric dirill. I have put a gunny bag in the post to his Notting Hill address.

The peepil af Kiranchi have come together. They have said with one vaice: no to piratection rackets. They will nat pay their hard earned money to the thugs firam the Peace Kmaitees. They will pay their insurance money against expilaitation and terror only to the sector commanders on the first af every month. Those who fail to respect the will af the peepil, will be subject to full force af the carefully devised Muttahidda governance and will jyne the enemies af the peepil like Hakeem Saeed and Syed Salah ud Din.

We are holding a mass rally in Lahore. This will pave the way to our ispread in the rest af the country especially Khyber Pakhtunkhwa. We must istop Khyber Pakhtunkhwa ispreading to the rest af the country especially Kiranchi. We are right an course far achieving this. Our sharpshooters are islowly islowly improving the ethnic balance af the city and establishing inter-communal harmony. We are a demociratic party. We do not believe in violence, mayhem and random killings, carried out by the primitive and illiterate Taliban. We believe in precise, accurate and scientifically conducted target killings, befitting of a modern political party.

We believe in peace with India. The Khokrapar border must open to allow peepil to peepil contact. This will allow the two gireat neighbours to normalise relations and biring a much deserved respite to the common peepil, weary of war and terrorism. Like minded peepil will be allowed to mix fireely; such as Bal Thakrey and yours tiruly and Narendra Modi and Hafiz Saeed. Together, these gireat leaders can chart a course far the future of one billion inhabitants of the sub continent.  

We must istart a ferry service to Bombay, as pioneered by the peace mission of Admiral Mohammad Ajmal Kassab. We must also extend the Samjhauta express to Jamrud and call it Sadhvi express, after the renowned peace activist.

The whole region is ripe far a midil cilass revolution.

More articles by Hakim Hazik 




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