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The Private Channel and the Sensitive Agency


Hakim Hazik


Extraordinary Rendition 


Our valiant soldiers have taken appropriate action to clear the airport by tracking down, surrounding and liquidating with extreme prejudice, the foreign militants who were trying to take over the Karachi airport. The C in C has congratulated the officers and jawans on their bravery and said that they have earned the everlasting gratitude of the nation. The PIA aircraft, Alhamdulillah, were not damaged. The precious machinery of the cold storage, by the grace of God has also survived. Seven patriotic workers have laid down their lives to protect this national asset. 


There was swift retribution by the sword arm of Islam, the Predator drone, which has taken out the 16 militants responsible for the attack. Brother Imran has been advised not to go shooting off his patriotic mouth and let the ISPR deal with the media. He has been strongly advised not the lie down in front of the NATO traffic. His heart is in the right place. In fact, his brain is in the right place as well, for safekeeping in the cold storage under the supervision of the ISPR.


This came on the back of the lightning raid on Hamid Mir when six high speed bullets were lodged in his stomach, as a gentle reminder that our valiant forces are ever vigilant and ready to protect the external and internal as well as geographical and ideological borders. The unknown assailants disappeared in the twilight, exhibiting highest level of professionalism and motivation. 


The cable operators have joined the valiant armed forces in this holy mission. They have neutralised the Trojan horse, the private channel which has been trying to undermine the nation building activities of General Bajwa by airing misleading propaganda about peace in the region. These doughty soldiers of Islam have scrambled the channel serial numbers to confuse the enemy. This heroic feat is akin to the breaking of the Enigma code that led to the defeat of the Nazi Germany. Never in the history of human endeavor has so much been achieved by so few for so little. 


The enemy is licking its wounds. The PEMRA has finally caved in to the relentless bravery of the valiant armed forces and has issued the ban on the private channel. This is a historic victory for the sensitive agency. 


This is no small feat. When the dust has settled and these tumultuous events have become part of history, these tactics will be taught in war schools around the world and people will marvel how our national institution was able to deliver the perfect tandoori roti in its marriage halls, the lovely and crisp cornflakes for the nation’s breakfast, the immaculate golf courses for its weary soldiers and yet was able to provide a sturdy defense to the nation by the grace of Allah SWT and Predator UAV. 



Let us celebrate the victory of the Sensitive Agency over the Private Channel achieved by Unknown Individuals for the National Institution.


Praise the Lord. 



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