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Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Sipahi

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

I am afraid that the Americans have driven me to distraction. They have refused cough up or to shut up. In the end I had to crawl on all fours to get them to restore the NATO supplies. Otherwise Islam would have been in serious danger and the welfare projects of 25 billion, that we have undertaken, would have to be wound up. The Defense Colonies would have turned into tent villages and the Fauji Foundation would have to be turned into a punctures repair shops for the indigent corps commanders. The Army wives would have to do tailoring and needle work to make ends meet.

We are not ashamed to say that Pakistan was made in the name of Islam. The mullahs cannot get it into their heads that their role is to implement the will of God and not start making it. That is our role. Any attempt to interfere will be considered shirk and will be dealt with a forced disappearance.

I am afraid we will have to go into North Waziristan and roll up our strategic assets. This is a covenant signed in blood with the apostle of God, Hazrat Panetta, and we cannot question its wisdom, otherwise we will commit a sin and the Almighty will stop the ISAF funds and the monsoon rains.

Our knowledge is flawed and limited. We cannot impose our will on others. If we do that by dint of our fire power, its called terrorism. If the politicians do not understand this, they will have to learn in double quick time. Islam does not allow terrorism. If we indulge in sin, Allah will not forgive us and raise us on the day of judgment with the bloody civilians.

We have all made mistakes. It is important that we learn from our mistakes. I should never have made a deal with the corrupt and thieving politicians. I should have kept them holed up in Manhattan, Dubai and Jeddah. I should never have restored Chaudhry Sahib. I should have kept him on a short leash.

I know that the nation is feeling great pain because of the incompetent and corrupt politicians, whereas they are used to being ruled by incompetent and corrupt generals. At the moment the real issue is not the corruption or incompetence but the survival of the goose that lays the golden eggs. It is in immediate need of the life saving Coalition Chicken Feed.

As the great world leader, John F Kennedy had once said, ask not what your army can do for you, ask what you can do for your army.

(Address to the Nation,

14th of August, 2012)


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