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Eid Mubarak General Sahib

Transcultural Dialogues VI

Gen (Retd.) Tinpot: I think we should sacrifice the Constitution Cow on this Eid. It has been fattened since 1973, all political adventurers try to milk it and it is a drain on financial resources. It's time for a final solution. 

Mrs. Red Wine: I think that is a very good idea. But we must get a good butcher this time. When made the Chaudhry Goat offering, we did not get a good deal. Pirzada Butcher is long past his prime, and much less agile due to his rheumatism. Qasuri Butcher probably has cataracts. They left so much offal unremoved, that Supreme Muftis said, it was not even halal.  

Tinpot: I personally like Qayyum Butcher, the best. He comes from an established family of butchers, is an expert hand with the cleaver, does not get sentimental about the animals and is not squeamish about the size of the offerings.  

Red Wine: I was thinking of Markhor Ahsan, what do you think? 

Tinpot: He has been on my mind as well. He has certainly been straining at the leash rather a long time, has got very frisky this year and although Warden Ilahi is keeping a close eye on him, I think he will jump fence in very near future and become a public hazard. It seems risky to leave him till the next Eid. But on the other hand, the World Wildlife Fund have been putting up petitions for him. Apparently he is a rare breed, in danger of extinction. They say there are only two specimens left in the wild beside him, Markhor Chomski, in MIT, and Markhor Arundhati, in India. So if we decide on him, you must not tell the neighbors.  

Red Wine: I think we should be very careful this time with issues of street cleanliness. This happened in the Chaudhry offering with the guts spilling all over the streets. And it stank to high heaven the next day. What should have been a festive occasion became a public nuisance.  

Tinpot: I am aware of that. In fact I asked SHO, Thana Abpara, PEMRA Rashid to bring in the worst offenders, hang them upside down and remind them of their civic responsibilities. He hauled up Mir Geo, Hajji ARY, and Aaj Hussein, the main polluters. Two of them have signed undertakings of good behavior, but Mir Geo is not playing ball. He will be kept blindfolded in Adyala Jail, till after Eid. Public hygeine has to take precedence over everything else,  

Red Wine: You know the wife of Governor Ishrat Longknives was on the phone from Karachi. She said they may not be celebrating Eid this year. She said they had great fun on 3rd of November, when they slaughtered 24 High Court fat-tailed sheep. But the supply of animals seems surprisingly low for the Eid, both from the city area, as well as interior Sind, so that they can not fill up even the High Court abattoir. Any way, General Sahib, your sherwani and karakul cap is all ready for Eid. Eid Mubarak. 

Tinpot: And Eid Mubarak to you Begum Sahiba.



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