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Zionists Stole My Underpants

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Let’s first establish the facts. There is little doubt that I wore them when I went to the press conference in the morning. It does require guts to face these wily journalists. You can never tell what is coming your way. By the grace of Almighty God, everything went well. I talked about the international conspiracies besetting our nation. The infiltration of RAW, MOSSAD and CIA. The shed loads of money that the enemy is spending to destabilize our state. The uncircumcised imams on enemy payroll who are taking over our mosques.

I spent the afternoon with the chief minister sahib. We discussed how to get rid of the squatters in the path of the newly planned motorway. Life is hard. Transportation is becoming difficult. The price of the essentials of life, such as BMWs is going up. On the way back I took some watermelons for the children from a fruit seller on a donkey cart. He touched my knees. I let him keep his donkey cart.

I was relaxing in front of the TV when it struck me. I did not have them on. They had disappeared. Vanished in thin air. Now I am not one of those who have dozens of them. I am a simple man. I am happy with two pairs. I wash one every night, so that it is ready every morning. I checked in the bathroom. In the wash basin. On the clothes line. Nothing. I asked the Missis. Slapped the children, kicked the cat. Nobody is owning up.

The conclusion is inescapable. It is the Zionists who have stolen them. They are our most dangerous enemies. They have ganged up with the Brahmin conspirators in our neighbourhood. They are watching us all the time, even in privacy our own homes with AWACS system. They are the sworn enemies of True Faith. They are hell bent on destroying the Ummah. This is but one tactic in their devilish arsenal. Rob the faithful of their underpants. This is a war. They want to weaken us psychologically before they take over militarily. This is what they did in Spain.

I acted promptly, under a carefully laid out planned. The police sprang into action like a well oiled machine.  I informed the DIG, the IG the prime minister and the president. The prime minister acted professionally and with despatch. He has taken serious notice. The president was in a dilemma. He was hoping that it would be him who would take the serious notice. He was not very pleased with the prime minister. In the end, a compromise was found and he said to catch the culprit in 48 hours. This ended the infighting and saved the government from falling.

But I want to tell the nation, that we are prepared. We will give the enemy a befitting reply. We will break their jaw. The nation is like a lead reinforced wall.

Today I was racked with doubts. The cat is acting strangely. It has begun to avoid me. Could it be him? I must be careful. The Zionists are spreading doubts to weaken us.  

All citizens, be on your guard,

Beware of the foreign hand


The ever vigilant,


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