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Yusuf And The Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat

Extraordinary Rendition

By Hakim Hazik 

The chairman of the CBR, Mr Abdullah Yusuf has described as preposterous the allegations by some philistines that his electrifying dance performance was motivated by intoxication, ambition, debauchery or pinworms.

He emphasized that the said performance was undertaken in the line of duty; to create fiscal space for the cash strapped economy, to broaden the national base of direct taxes, and to reduce the burgeoning current account deficit. This performance was also Sharia compliant, as is the case with other financial instruments introduced by the Government. His detractors have warned that rather than creating fiscal space, his performance has dug a hole for the economy. But they are unpatriotic miscreants.  

He pointed out that his presentation was part of a standard operative procedure and has been undertaken in various government departments, home and abroad. He reminded the audience of the internationally acclaimed musical, ‘The Deal’, which was painstakingly choreographed in minute detail, by the world famous conductor and director, Mr. Negroponte. This musical chronicles the progress of the mating dance that took place between the leadership of the PPP and the government of Gen. Tinpot.  

 Mr Negroponte already has in his repertoire, record breaking productions, such as ‘Phantom of Honduras’, ‘Jesus Christ, Guatemala’ and ‘Thoroughly Modern Iraq’. This skilful director does not shy away from explicit and turbulent scenes in his productions and many of his main protagonists often meet tragic ends, as indeed was the case in ‘The Deal’. The outcome however helped to create political space in Pakistan, where democracy could flourish. There are people who say that it has actually created a vacuum, to allow the political opportunists to cash in . But they are miscreants.  

Mr Yusuf’s performance has invoked various responses, in artistic and literary circles. The narrative of his performance itself is very evocative. It describes a tryst between two lovers on a canal bridge. One of them does not live up to his promise, calling his previous ardour, a ‘political statement’. The theme song is full of anguish and yearning and eventually of dejection and heartbreak. Some say that it reeks of cheap sentimentality, but then they are miscreants.  

It has also caused the metaphysical question to be asked, ‘how many tax collectors can dance on the point of a needle?’ (without necessitating securitisation of the public debt). It is unlikely that this debate will end anytime soon. Meanwhile, Mr Yusuf has received lucrative offers from the West End, Royal Dance Academy, Kirov Ballet and Sangeet Natak Academy. The Central Board of Revenue is studying the offers. 

See also: Chairman CBR

Also by Hakim Hazik: King Badar the Conquerer, The Marsupial Nation, Chaudhry Negroponte



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