By: Hakim Hazik

Our strategic assets are in safe hands. Safe hands have safe fingers which are in every commercial, financial and strategic pie. The moving finger writes and having writ, moves on and not all your piety nor wit, can lure it back to cancel half a line or persuade it to go to the Bonn Conference.

They can have 90 countries or 900 countries, there will not be an inch of progress unless we have Mullah Sahib on the table discussing how to eliminate foreign intervention, opium cultivation and Hazara population. 

Our sovereignty is not negotiable. If someone has the temerity to think that they can go to the Americans and ask them to blackmail us to allow the rule of corrupt civilian politicians, they are completely deluded. We will not allow the corrupt politicians to barter away the national sovereignty. That is for us to barter. It is a right given to the pious, God fearing, and faithful jackboots by the Almighty God.

Mansoor Ijaz was a sewer rat when he wrote the FT article. Since then he has had his moment of epiphany. He has spoken to God and more importantly to General Pasha. It has been thought fit by both authorities that his soul be redeemed. He is no longer a kiss and tell prima donna, but a great statesman with stature and gravitas, with friends in high places and fingers in important pies. 

We fully intend to go to the International Court of Justice to seek redress for the 2nd of May outrage. OBL was peace loving citizen, doing a sabbatical at the PMA, in the a quiet and retiring neighbourhood of Kakul. During the day, he would teach asymmetric warfare to the young cadets and spend his evenings musing over peaceful use of nuclear technology and extraction of electric power from jinns. He would have a relaxing time with Sultan Bashir ud Din Mahmood  while sipping fragrant, non alcoholic, arabian coffee. 

To commit violence against such a gentle soul in the dead of the night was an act of unspeakable wickedness. This will not go unpunished. 

Have you seen the veritable arm on the front cover of the FHM? It is a great coup for the best intelligence agency in the world. Moreover, for the first time in its history, it has been achieved on the enemy territory. The experienced operatives are having an inward laugh, as the social media is convulsed with scandal. They know that it is none other than Brother Jalal ud Din in disguise and not Veena Malik as the FHM are letting on. The ammunition belt is the only clue.

The recent years have been difficult. We had to give great sacrifices. Thousands of our young men have laid down their lives. We have been forced to join a conflict which is not our making. But the end seems to be in sight. We have it on good authority that the enemy has fled to Dubai, on the excuse of having an angioplasty. Very soon, by the grace of God, the nation will hear the good news that the national sovereignty has been restored and all these sacrifices have not been in vain. 

Maj. Gen. A Abbas,

ISPR

(National anthem plays)