Extraordinary Rendition

By Hakim Hazik 

We travelled in a cattle truck from the Outback to Canberra, on Qantas to Singapore and First Class on TIA, from there on to the Capital City. We were given immunisation against the yellow fever virus, the foot and mouth virus, the glanders virus and the suo moto virus.  

We were welcomed by the great conservationist and rapporteur of the World Wildlife Fund, Sir Establishment Malik, who addressed us thus: 

On behalf of the newly formed Open and Transparent People’s Government, its invisible departments, its self effacing and unassuming masters, I welcome you to the moderately independent, moderately enlightened, moderately sane, moderately Islamic Republic of Pakistan.  

Honoured guests, this is unique time for you to be joining us. You are about to embark on a most extraordinary endeavour in the history of civilisation. We have made great strides in providing fundamental human rights to our nation. To progress further, we need to provide them readily available, universal and affordable justice.  You will have the great opportunity to be the part of that process.

Justice will be provided to people on their doorstep, by people in uniform, and people in plain clothes. Advance communication technology will be used, including phone calls to Dubai, bullets in envelopes and bullets in the head. Traditional methods of communications will not be ignored. We will use smoke signals from burning journalist’s cars to transmit urgent messages.  

Our police stations will become great centres of justice and of jurisprudence, where the specially reinforced footwear, will be applied to the citizens' bottoms in an environment of mutual respect and tolerance, to further the cause of justice.

The law abiding entrepreneurs will have nothing to fear from the depredations of vicious and heartless agencies such as NAB, and Swiss, Spanish and British attorneys. They will live and travel without fear, and watch their numbered Swiss accounts grow in peace and tranquillity, as they sip relaxing drinks in balmy island retreats.  

Dear Colleagues,

Please become part of this great endeavour. We value your skills. We appreciate the fact that you have left the outback and scrub, luscious woodland and mouth watering fodder to help us achieve this great ideal. For us all of you are a great national asset and we value you as much as your native colleagues, currently in the apex court. For us all of you, human, animal, mammal, reptile, insect and germ are equally respectable. Make this great country your homeland and become part of our society. My heartiest welcome once again to the Supreme Kangaroo Court.

See Also by Hakim Hazik: Meeda’s Touch, Meray Aziz Hamwatno

See Also: The Mango Season