Transcultural Dialogues

By Hakim Hazik 

MM: On the behalf of the Islamic Republic and in the name of the struggle of the oppressed against the Great Satan, are you buying our gas or not?  

SM: We are trying to develop our domestic resources. Chuadhry ‘National Asset’ Mukhtar is consuming large amounts of onions and we hope, will turn out to be a great national resource of bio-energy in the fullness of time; according to one calculation, this evening.  

Once Chaudhry Sahib is plugged into the national grid, we should be able to make up the deficit in energy supply, caused by the satanic inspired Baluchi militants, who are ruthlessly attacking the gas installations. Our mutual relations are based on the bedrock of Islamic solidarity and historic brotherhood. We are committed, like the Islamic Republic to killing Baluchis and selling gas.  

MM: Death unto the Great Satan and death also unto the Little Satan. May the God of the Caspian and Sui Gas fields protect the two Islamic Republics. May the God of Kahuta and Bushehr keep our nations happy, our centrifuges whirring, our uranium enriched and our Baluchis dead. I wonder if you have any spare centrifuges left brother? For the greater glory of the revolution and war against the oppressor, we could sell you your fuel requirements on a deferred payment basis. You could pay back in the greatly cherished currency of brotherly love and uranium hexafluoride. Not a bad deal brother? 

SM: I am afraid it is only the Indians who can have their yellow cake and eat it too. With us the Great Satan sups with the long spoon. As far as the centrifuges are concerned, Lord giveth and Lord Baradei takes away. We could give your enriched uranium though, for old times' sake. In fact we could give you a lot of enriched materials. We could give you enriched generals and enriched politicians which could enrich your whole society. We could give you an enormously enriched president. You would not have to hang your heads in shame due to a penniless president living in squalor for the whole world to see and  make fun of. 

MM: As I am in town, I wonder if I can visit the father of the nuclear programme of the Islamic Republic? 

SM: You mean Dr Khan the father of the Pakistani nuclear programme? I am afraid he had prostate trouble and difficulty passing water; especially heavy water to brotherly Islamic countries.  

MM: I  mean Dr Khan, the father of the peaceful nuclear programme of the Islamic Republic of Iran, which is meant to advance self reliance in research and is not a danger to anyone in the world, except those who deviate from the path of God.   

SM: Dr Khan seems to have fathered a lot of self reliance in research in a lot of places around the world; not all of them Islamic and not all of them republics; but anything for you brother. I and the whole Islamic Republic are at your service. Your word is my command.   

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