Extraordinary Rendition
Hakim Hazik
The angels of Allah SWT carried my throne from Chaklala International Airport to the JFK. There were prominent leaders of Islam gathered in force to greet Yours Truly, including Rev. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, may Allah be pleased with them. These are the people who have undergone privations and hardship, but have lit the candle of Islam in dark corners of the North American television. I have started a coast to coast journey, where I will pay homage to our foregone heroes especially John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald who fought against the oppression of their day, against the egregious violations of articles 62 and 63 and brought a revolution to provide justice to the masses. If we follow in their footsteps, we can bring the same revolution to our beloved country, Canada, for which our ancestors had laid down their lives.
Our dissolute leaders are completely oblivious to the threat facing us across the border. They have thrown national interest to the wind in pursuit of the so called trade and building their own business empires. We will resist the aggression and the cultural degradation of our society by our large neighbour by all possible means. It should be remembered that we are a nuclear power and our resolve and determination should not be underestimated. We will fight them in El Passo. We will fight them in Rio Grande and will fight them in Tijuana. The sanctity of the Line of Control in Arizona will not be allowed to be violated. Anyone trying to cross into the land of the pure will be shot.
A million people will march onto our capital which has been made a seat of infamy by those who are in power. We demand qisas for the atrocities committed in the name of governance by the mayor Mr. Rob Ford. Diyat is not an option. He has made a mockery of Islam by appearing drunk in public by dragging the name of Islam’s greatest capital in dirt. He will face Allah’s justice. I invite people from all corners of the country to come to the capital. They should come on their power bikes, on their SUVs on their vacation homes and on their snow sledges. We will bring revolution to the country by constitutional means. We will, inshallah, ask Maulana Tahir Ashrafi, (whilst sober), to sit on the mayor in a peaceful manner, till he reforms his ways. Islam is a religion of peace.
The community in the UK is the backbone of the Ummah. On my return journey, I will make a sojourn in the holy harem of London. I will go and kiss the hem of the Shamsul Ulama, Rt. Hon. David Lidington MP, who heads the Foreign and Commonwealth office and is happy to be milked by the faithful of the Ummah for large sums of sterling pounds in lieu of issuing fatwas against the barbarians who dictates of sharia in the far reaches of the empire. There will be an awesome qawwali in the DIFID office.
All night long.