Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

It’s official. The songs of Naseebo Lal are obscene. This is the decision of the highest court in the sacred land of the Punjab. They arouse the basest instincts in men and women of this holy land. If left to her own devices, she could play havoc with the safety and integrity of the nation.

The society would be shaken to its foundations. Its very survival would be at stake. The mere thought of it sends shivers down the spines of responsible citizens. This is undoubtedly the biggest challenge facing the nation today. Luckily, the nation stands united in the face of this dastardly provocation. We will rise to this challenge. We will face this together; as we faced the challenges to our survival in 1965 and 2005. Our destiny is in our hands.

Of course their are other issues, but compared to this existential threat, they are of minor importance. Muslim Khan has phoned a friend in Lahore and asked him to liven things up a little bit. Baluchistan will soon be a republic. The armies of the faithful are on the march from the tribal area. The economy has disappeared down the tube. Karachi needs a blood bath once a month, on average, merely to keep functioning. But all these problems pale into insignificance when we are faced with the mortal threat posed by Naseebo Lal.

It has to be borne in mind, that this is not the first time that we had to face this kind of aggression. There have been enemy agents in the past who have tried to test our resolve. Noor Jahan has sung about muslin shirts. Manto has written about cold cuts of meat. Faiz has written about slave labour. Even Bulleh Shah has challenged the supremacy of the mullah and danced with streetwalkers. We have been steadfast and resolute in the face of these attacks. We have acted with determination. We have laid low the enemies of the nation. There is no doubt that we will prevail again.

A great peril faces the nation. No it is not the Taliban. It is the vulgarity, indecency and immorality which has taken hold of the whole society. Women with uncovered faces appear on the billboards with provocative smiles, selling toothpaste. They endager the society. There is no room for billboards in a society like ours; a society of the righteous and the pious. Billboards should be banned. Obscenity should be banned. Women should be banned.  

Uncovered faces of women on billboards are obscene. They should be sprayed with black paint to protect the public morality and to save the nation from certain annihilation. Uncovered feet of children begging on the roads are not obscene. This is the price we pay to rapidly increase our GDP and to reduce our current account deficit. This is essential if we are to balance our budget, and have adequate resources to buy the AWACS system and a fleet of gleaming new F16 aircraft. We need this to defend ourselves against the enemies with low cunning and devious minds, such as Naseebo Lal.

We shall overcome

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