Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Seldom in the history of the true faith has so much been owed by so many to a single true mujahid. He was driven by the fire and the zeal of the true faith. He knew the value of freedom. The trials and tribulations which would have shaken a lesser man, only served to strengthen his faith in the all powerful, the all knowing Free Market. He also knew that the real rewards await the true mujahidin in the world hereafter. He knew that the rewards in this world including prime quality Columbian cocaine, count for nothing. He was the one stalwart who resisted the onslaught of the infidel Russian juggernaut in the tradition of Imam Shamil.

Charles Nesbitt Wilson was born in Trinity, Texas. His formative years were spent in the US Naval Academy and in the monastery of Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. He had the distinction of earning the most demerits in his class upon graduation. There is a heart warming story, often told and retold among  the faithful, of his practise of strengthening his faith in the company of two pious women, endearingly called ‘strippers’ and some high quality cocaine, in a hot tub. He did not inhale. It must be clarified for the records, that this was before the famous hit and run incidence in DC, which was also a carefully planned and flawlessly executed to resist the evil Russian imperialism.

Once elected to the US congress, he made friends with the famous soldier of the Free Market, Anastasias Somoza who has made his name in the annals of history for destroying the evil anti-market Sandinistas and a public display of affection for Tina Simons, Charlie’s consort. This, for some strange reason, created such a gulf between these two fine men that it could not be overcome.

Charlie then came across the Free Marketeer par excellence, Engineer Gulbuddin Hekmatyar. Hekmatyar became to Charlie what Ghazi Mullah was to Imam Shamil. This holy alliance was overseen by the Imam of Jihad and a pillar of true faith, General Mohammad Zia ul Haq. Together, these visionaries changed the course of history in the central and south Asia and indeed the whole world. They promoted freedom of expression and market economics in Pakistan and Afghanistan, by way of establishing public hangings and floggings of the offenders, and by blowing up schools and killing and quartering primary school teachers.

The whole edifice of the Russian imperium came crashing down. The Cold War came to an end. Afghanistan entered into a pleasant and sprightly civil war to strengthen the nation and to weed out the dysfunctional elements. A million Afghans died but it was well worth it.

We are now at a stage that Afghanistan is a most modern liberal democracy, at peace with itself and the west. Large parts of Pakistan are under control of the allies, devotees and pupils of Hekmatyar. They have demonstrated their love of freedom by blowing up three hundred girls’ schools and executing folk singers. Such are the priceless gifts brought to us by this great Mujahid who has now departed for his heavenly abode.

Imam Wilson Zindabad.

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