Transcultural Dialogues 

By: Hakim Hazik

Ironside: God appoints and Abdul Hamid anoints. His touch can make gold out of dust heaps and kings out of trash. His magic word can turn charters, manifestos, declarations and case files to smoke. You must be raking it in Brother aren’t you?   

Goldfinger: You can not forget the great sacrifices, Brother, by me and my family. Have you forgotten the martyrdom of BB Sahiba and my long years in solitary confinement. This is no magic touch Brother. The gold that you see has been forged in the crucible of history. 

Ironside: This is not the end of history Brother, this is only the beginning. There is a tide in our affairs which we must take Brother. We must find a solution. I guess we could shake off the paparazzi and go to Southall, which is world heritage site. We could order a mixed platter with thandi thar mango lassi, followed by the sublime Kashmiri tea. Everything will fall into place Brother. Our children will marvel at our vision, courage, heroism and self sacrifice. What do you say? 

Goldfinger: A mixed platter is what I want as well Brother. If you agree to that the whole crisis is resolved. Don’t forget there are other cooks busy stirring the pot as well. If they succeed, you and I will not be making history. We will be part of it before you can say ‘Executive Order’.  

Ironside: When you live as long  as I have lived in these austere Park Lane surroundings, or stark puritanical palaces in Saudi Arabia,  and eaten as many Shwarmas from Edgware Road, you learn to take a long view of history Brother. Executives and Tinpots will come and go. The international powers will realign. Hair implant technology will progress. But the people will never forget or forgive Brother.  

Goldfinger: Maybe we should go to the Grosvenor Casino for old time’s sake. We could stake our most prized possessions. I could put up my 300k Rolls Royce Phantom, in the garage in Dubai and I guess you cold stake Kalsum Bhabi. Whoever wins can have Abdul Hamid. Is that not a fair deal? Or shall we go to the Rockwood Estate? We could walk on the grounds in the bracing Surrey morning. Feed sugar lumps to the polo ponies. Maybe have a pint in the Dog and the Pheasant pub and a solution will present itself. We owe it to our toiling masses that we exert ourselves to the utmost to find a solution. No amount of personal suffering or privation should stand in the way.

Ironside: OK let’s go. But don’t tell Shehbaz Sahib. He will want to convert your Surrey Palace to an IT university 

Tinpot: (Hums to himself)

No Goldfinger but real men can make,

A nation great and strong           

Also by Hakim Hazik: Meray Aziz Hamwatno, Yes Minister Ji