Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Qila Gujjar Singh police, on Friday night, has arrested Anjuman Shehzadi on the instructions of Lahore High Court. The matter came to a head when the court formed a committee at the petition of a resident of Lahore.  The petitioner had moved the court accusing Ms Shehzadi of exposing her considerable cleavage gratuitously and with great irresponsibility in the Alfalah dance theatre.  

This has caused severe damage to the morality of the youth in general and also, grievous bodily harm to the complainant. This was a serious violation of the norms of civilised behaviour in our society. As a result, another crisis is facing the nation, whose resources are already stretched fighting a war on terrorism and extremism, a burgeoning current account deficit and severe power shortages.

This is a wanton attack on the foundations of this country which was created to be the citadel of Faith. The resolve of this country has once again been tested. However, it should not be underestimated. We are a nuclear power. We shall deal with acts of internal and external aggression with grit and determination. Let the enemy be warned. Let them not labour under any delusions.

Raids are being carried out to apprehend other enemy agents, such as Hina Sheikh and Deedar, who in collusion with Ms Shehzadi are bent upon undermining the nation. In a special briefing by the intelligence agencies to the journalists, it was revealed there are solid proofs that RAW and MOSSAD are involved. Video footage of Ms Shehzadi’s dance routines was shown to this exclusive audience. The evidence, however, is of such sensitive nature that it cannot be publicly revealed. The interested researchers and serious academics may be able to access it on YouTube.  

Ms. Shehzadi is likely to spend the night in the lockup in the Qila Gujjar Singh police station.

Meanwhile, our reporter writes that Ms Angelina Jolie has arrived in Pakistan as a part of her campaign of solidarity with the displaced people of Swat. She has been appointed on the mission by the UN Secretary General as a part of her role as a UN peace rapporteur. Our readers will know that Ms. Jolie and her consort Mr Brad Pitt have recently donated a million dollar towards the rehabilitation of these displaced people. This donation will initially be spent on the rehabilitation of essential personnel for relief work, starting with our 82 federal ministers.

Ms. Jolie initially endeared herself to this nation and to the Ummah at large, by displaying her splendid bust in the Hollywood blockbuster Beowulf. This act of selfless devotion was seen and widely appreciated by the community of the faithful. A few more people like her are needed to strengthen the interfaith dialogue and to end the war of civilisations.

In a special statement, the Prime Minister has welcomed Ms. Jolie, who in turn says that her current visit is like coming home. She was received at the Airport by the Chief Minister and the Governor.

Ms. Jolie is likely to spend the night in the presidential suite in the State Guest House.

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