Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Allah SWT be praised. 

The mujahideen of Islam have made rapid gains against the enemies of Islam. We have eliminated 21 female enemies of God with the help of the blessed improvised explosive device, put together with meticulous care with halal materiel from the mudarba based, profit and loss sharing, Pak Arab fertilizer company.  

These agents of satan have been guilty of unspeakable atrocities. The have been attacking our main affiliate against the infidels, the noble poliomyelitis virus. Now they will know how the families of the innocent victims of the EPI feel. In large parts of the Ummah, this dastardly campaign, fueled by the infamous USAID, has caused despondency in the formerly jovial and gregarious microorganisms. A mother of the polio virus does not know if her son will come back home in the evening.  

The only hope of survival among this noble breed was to live as an attenuated strain in petri dish in Geneva or to be used against its own brethren in oral polo vaccine. What a tragic downfall from its glory days at the dawn of Islam. 

Our valiant fighters attacked the Bolan Medical Complex, that pit of vipers, where even the ward floors, awash with genocidal carbolic acid, are unsafe for ordinary, peace loving tetanus spores. 

This war is not our war. We can not be attacking our own citizens. We will look after our own kith and kin. We encourage you to bring home, young, orphaned and homeless diphtheria organisms and provide them with shelter and care and treat them as your own. We are encouraged by the rapid advances made in the Trans Indus to rehabilitate the measles diaspora, which has, heretofore, been at the receiving end of a vicious eradication campaign. 

We demand that the OIC calls an emergency summit where the plight of Rohingiya Muslims as well as the intolerable living conditions of dengue virus and plasmodium falciparum are discussed. The Aedes Egyptii mosquitos should be rescued from their internment in  CDC, Atlanta and Camp Delta in Guantanamo. These incarcerations are a blot on the world conscience and a sad commentary on the helplessness of the once mighty Muslim Ummah. 

If we had not forgotten the message of Islam, these citizens of the Ummah would not be languishing in foreign prisons. We have sunk so low, that on one telephone call we are happy to loose our sovereignty and our virginity and hand over the best and the brightest among us. In return, we get paltry sums of money, not nearly enough to buy Toyota Hi-Aces with mounted machine guns, for the coming jihad in Khurasan. 

We will continue our war of resistance. All the right thinking people and should join hands and continue to assist us in the war on Sri Lanka, Cricket, deviant sects, Snooker, GHQ, Mastoong and Bahadur Khan Women’s University. 

Malik Mohammad Ishaq

CEO and Vice Chancellor,

LJ University of Management Sciences,

Rahim Yar Khan