Extraordinary Rendition
By Hakim Hazik
Before Shriek Chairman entered the Aiwan e Sadar, he touched the heads of 4 black goats, which were later slaughtered to strengthen democracy and to deter the evil spirits. The Shriek Chairman has also touched the hearts of millions of people and thousands of lawyers, who have also been slaughtered to strengthen democracy and to deter evil spirits.
As a result the triumph of democracy is now complete. The sovereignty of the parliament is now established firmly in Islamabad. Just like the sovereignty of Brother Karzai is established in Kabul and the sovereignty of Brother Maliki is established in Baghdad. It is hoped that over a period of time, this sovereignty will spread to the other parts of the country (except Rawalpindi). The black goats and the black coats have not been slain in vain.
A beginning has already been made with Bajaur, lucky to be the first area to savour the pleasures of democracy and parliamentary sovereignty. The citizens have been told to raise their hands as the see the gunship helicopter approaching, and to die promptly when they are shot. This is the least they can to do to make their contribution to the rule of law.
The country is running short of essentials of life. There has been an acute shortage of refugees. During the Afghan Jihad, we had 3 million refugees, who have since left, leaving a gaping hole in the economy. The government of Shriek Chairman has asked the citizens of Bajaur to become refugees to modern and comfortable tent cities, thus trying to overcome a crisis of national shortage by indigenous means.
God moves in mysterious ways and democracy develops in unexpected ways. Angoor Adda was lucky. It was visited by the NATO troops with night vision goggles, who brought it the gift of democracy in gunship helicopters. When they left 20 villagers were dead. Death is a small price to pay for democracy.
To establish the state sovereignty and the writ of law, we need dead children. It is only by increasing the number of dead children that we can become a modern nation, at peace with itself and its neighbours. In this hour of need, the coalition partners are trying to help by flying humanitarian missions, mainly by Predator drones, carrying Hellfire missiles.
The army chief has said, that although he appreciates the desire of the coalition troops to help, Pakistan is actually self sufficient in the sector of precision killing of its own citizens. Their have been considerable achievements in this area throughout our history, starting with improving the genetic stock of the Bengalis and bringing benefits of civilisation to Baluchistan. The army will not disappoint the nation and the international community on this occasion.
The defence minister has said that Pakistan will defend its borders and its sovereignty at all costs. We have all the means to defend ourselves, including withering press statements and large amounts of hot air. And we will not shirk our duty to defend the motherland by using these extremely deadly weapons.
You have been warned.
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