By: Hakim Hazik

Our heartiest felicitations to the great philosopher of Islam and the scourge of the heretics for his re-employment at the world headquarters of virtue and piety, the great fountainhead of knowledge and wisdom, the satellite channel of Geo.

Prof. Aamir Hamaqat Hussein (May Allah increase his ratings) was born in a manger on the 15th  of Shaaban when the whole of the Ummah was praying that a Messiah come to them, to lead them on the path to salvation, out of a double dip recession and put them at par with other civilised nations of the world, worthy of a civil nuclear deal.

Our happiness is doubly enhanced by the onset of the blessed month of Ramadan, (Ramadan mabrook to you). The prayers of the faithful have been answered and this year, the Eid has come before the Ramadan, as the news has spread fast that the inimitable Sufist practitioner Veena Malik will be assisting the learned professor. (Eid mabrook to you). 

She was made famous through her donning the unbeatable ISI attire when posing for the Sufi publication, FHM. Since reading her inspiring article, many a lost soul has been saved and joined the ranks of the faithful. Ramadan brings us a message of rebirth and renewal where the old sins are washed away in the tears of the faithful and one can plan for a new year and a new series of Big Boss.

In this time of joy and happiness, we should not forget our old friend Dajjal. It was the single most important contribution of the Professor to the intellectual renaissance to the Ummah, that he revived the interest in this awesome creature. Every since the halcyon days of of Shaikh Mandible, Dajjal, through no fault of its own, was languishing in lonesome habitats. The noble Prof. singlehandedly brought him in from the cold and became the founder of a booming industry in its name. The contribution to the national economy is beyond imagining, as coffee mugs and T shirts bearing Dajjal logo have become popular across the Ummah. 

A Dajjal theme park will soon open at the crash site in Bahawalpur, to attract wealthy tourists from the oil rich and newly emerging economies. 

The learned professor along with innumerable scholars of the Ummah have been wrestling with issue of the circumcision of the Imams in Khyber Pukhtunkwa. In spite of many a research treatise in peer reviewed scientific journals, a clear answer remains elusive. The likelihood is that this item will be at the top of the agenda when the good General Zaheerul Islam visits the Pentagon and will be discussed at the highest level. 

The sooner we can resolve this matter and that of the coalition support funds, the better it will be for the relationship of two countries. We have to transcend the brittle and emotive reactions of a client state and negotiate on the basis of equality and sovereignty. 

A ban on circumcision will not be accepted. Boots on the ground will not be accepted.