Extraordinary Rendition
By Hakim Hazik
Were you in the meeting? It was a great occayun. Truly aa sum. I was there. So was Makhdoom Meen Feem. So was Itzasab. They were talking in hushed canstipational tones, till the motion was passed. Then every bady became very motional. We were all standing at our seats and cheering and waving wildly.
Makhdoom Saab was waving one finger; (the middle one). Itzasab was waving two; (middle and index). The rest of us were waving our credit carts and cheque books. Tears were running down our cheeks and we were shouting ‘Swiss bank counts, Swiss bank counts’.
It was a yunani mus deciyun. The last time I felt so empowered was when I took Yunani medicine from hkeem sahib, Inside Bhati Gate. Naoo, every bady is empowered and can cantribute to the paty. The paty of damo cracy and the paty of peepul. There is only one such paty which is Pakistan Peepal Paty, of which, yours truly is the secty journal.
Are you saying you have not heard? Has the information not met you? Even Altaf Hsain in London has heard and he is in spoat. The Shriek Chairman is going to be the President of Pakistan. Well okay, not the whole of Pakistan. But definitely the bits not taken over by the Talban or bombed by the Amercans. All citizens who are not yet slaughtered, should rejaice in the news. Once you are martyred, you should rejaice in your martyrdom.
There is a good chance that we can talk to Mullah Omar and can come to an agreement. He could even be pat of the coaliyun. Maulana Oil Tanker is a samooth talker. I am sure he can talk to him. It is possible that Sherry Rman will have to wear a shuttle cock burqa and change her name to Rooh Afza, but in damo cracy there is give and take.
Oh I am so glad that the mental has fallen on the Shriek Chairman. No, I don’t mean Miansab. I mean the mental of leadership. It is true that Miansab is a bit peeved. He goes on saying ‘judge, judge, judge’, like the carpration truck, outside Bhati Gate. There has to be a limit to everything. He says that the Shriek Chairman is slippery like an eel. But what is wrang with that? In palitics you can nat be rigid like Gul Mhamd. Naoo, he wants the 17th mendment repealed in a hurry, but would he feel the same if Shbaz Shreef was going to be the president? Or Babra Shreef? Or Tahira Syed?
Rivers of blood have flown in Pakhtoon Khwa. We should not create problems khwa makhwa.
My message to the Amercan is same to same. They should spoat forces of damo cracy. If I met Obama, I would say to him, Oye Obamay, don’t throw your bums on our land. Learn something from Senator Bye Done, who is naoo your mate. Give us dollars, give us F16s, give us Swiss bank counts. This is haoo, damo cracy will dvelp in dvelping countries.
Yours Truly,
Mhamd Jungeer Badar
Also by Hakim Hazik: His Excellency President Goldfinger, Joint Communiqué, Ladybird Ladybird, Chiropractic, The Liberation of Dubai