Extraordinary Rendition
Hakim Hazik
Be respectful, pay attention, be alert. The honour of the throne of Hindustan, His Royal Highness, the Greatest Hero, the Greatest King, the King of Kings, is proceeding in this direction.
He was born in a desert in adverse circumstances. He overcame adversity by dint of his own talent which led him from success to success. Kings and emperors, prime ministers and party leaders made a beeline to pay homage and kiss his signet ring. All paid obeisance to improve their understanding of the world and the word shameful, except IG FC who was unfortunately indisposed at critical times in our history, may Allah SWT grant him health and an extension in service.
Not long after he achieved the age of majority, the very vicegerent who had brought him up and shown him the skills of survival in an unforgiving world of intrigue and conspiracy, tried to regain the reigns of power. In this misadventure, he was sorely mistaken. As the king emperor would brook no interference in the dispensation of justice. The old Tinpot was sent for a mandatory pilgrimage to Mecca and thence for a period of recuperation and inward reflection to a monastery in Edgware. As he was ungrateful and sly, he tried to sneak back into the country and to incite discontent and mischief. He is currently kept in a dungeon in Chak Shahzad so that the innocent public can be kept safe from his malign influence.
There was another attack from unexpected quarters as an impostor called Hemoon the vegetable vendor, who had adopted the title of Riaz ul Mulk to deceive the public, attacked from the direction of Monte Carlo. He tried to entrap the Crown Prince by plying him with intoxicating drinks and travel companions of a pleasant demeanour. The Crown Prince was taken in by this wily character and went for a long drive along Cote d’Azure at a time when he should have been making himself ready to run the affairs of the state. For this, Riaz ul Mulk paid a heavy price. His conversation was transcribed by the agents of the court who were present disguised as flower vases. It came to pass that this impostor was screwed nice and proper. Allah be praised, such is the fate of those who trespass the limits set by sharia.
The trials and tribulations of the world are many and even the best qualified sages who are the favoured of Allah, sometimes fall pray to the enticements of Satan. Such was the case when there arose a difference on the interpretation of the word ‘shameful’. As is happens, the Hanafi school consider it impolite whereas the Aitchisonian School consider it a term of endearment and of praise. This was therefore considered a minor local difficulty and was resolved to the satisfaction of the adoring masses who thronged the streets and raised slogans of ‘Allah is Great’ and ‘Long live the just reign of the Timurid Dynasty’.
A golden era has ended, but the sun will never set on the Mughal Rule. Justice will continue to be done in an exemplary manner as befits the House of Taimur. So help us Allah.