Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

We believe in the fundamental right of all human beings to play golf on a sunday. We support the inalienable right of self determination of all people, including the Kashmiris, the Baloch, the Afghans and the Central Asians, under the visionary guidance of the ISI’s human rights committee, headed by Brigadier Ijaz.

We are happy to provide the common man the single most important thing that matters in life, i.e. to be able to vote in a referendum, as stipulated by the UN resolutions and pioneered by the Father of the Nation, General Mohammad Zia ul Haq and as strengthened by the Uncle of the Ummah, moderately enlightened, General Tinpot of Special Services Group. 

The pan Islamic maps were all but ready. The Commonwealth of Central Asia, painstaking drawn up in the nerve centre of Aabpara was about to go live, when that fateful crash took place in the Bahawalpur desert. This was a severe setback for the Ummah. The nation was bereft; deprived of a loving Father of the Nation and the Central Asian dreams of grandeur. 

We believe that the Afghans havea the right to bring to an end all the foreign intervention that has blighted their unfortunate country over the last thirty two years. We call upon all the foreign forces to withdraw and all twenty four of the Indian consulates to shut down. 

We are happy to protect the Afghan sovereignty by providing brotherly support in the form of armour, artillery and air force cover, as the native civil society workers regain control of their country and slaughter Iranian diplomats in Mazar e Sharif, blow up the Indian embassy in Kabul and other cities as may be necessary. We are happy to establish the intelligence wing of the Afghan National Army and train them to kill the enemies of the state, especially misguided journalists with scant regard for Afghan national values and the   abiding national interests. 

The Taliban have a role to play in the future of Afghanistan. The must eschew contacts with the foreign forces and must submit to the will of Allah and the Afghan Desk. They should get back to the nation building and law enforcement actions that they are famous for. They can start by shutting down women’s education and healthcare and executing and stoning to death all those not conforming to precepts of Islam. Islam is a religion of peace and progress. 

There is a systematic effort under way to malign our valiant armed forces. The irresponsible media has launched a vicious campaign against this benign and peaceful institution, much loved and admired by the masses. These foreign inspired journalists are plumbing new depths of depravity. They are refusing to die silently and with dignity in the greater national interest and raising a cacophony of lies and calumny on the Zionist website, Facebook. By the grace of God, and with the help of our people, we will eliminate the enemies of Islam, including Zuckerberg and Waqar Kiani. 

This will usher in a new era of peace and prosperity. There will be golf with honour; golf in our times.