Extraordinary Rendition

By Hakim Hazik

Look at my hips. When I sit down to consult with my colleagues, one of my hips is in the tribal areas and the other is in the settled areas. Have you ever seen any thing more solid, substantial, dignified, well nourished and reassuring? Taken together, they represent unity, integrity, growth and prosperity of Pakistan.

There have been attempts in the past to damage this national asset. One of the assailants was Faisal Karim Kundi. These efforts were sad and misguided and not in the best interest of Pakistan or the Ummah. They have been carried out at the behest of the enemy agents and fifth columnists. By the grace of God, these efforts are doomed to failure.

There has been much debate about the ideology of Pakistan. People claim that the ideology of Pakistan is based on this creed or the other; this philosophy or the other. They are all wrong. The ideological basis of Pakistan is my stomach. It grows and grows, regardless of the party, person or clique in power. It is a symbol of the federation of Pakistan and a national icon.

Mian Sahib asked me to mediate with the Brother Goldfinger, the Shadow of God on earth, the Just Sultan and the Commander of the Faithful. Mian Sahib said that the Brother was in breach of a written agreement to restore the judges within 24 hours. This is rank political immaturity on the part of Mian Sahib. This shows inexperience and superficiality. Mature politicians are never held down by agreements, deadlines, written or spoken word. They are held down only by the ground realities and their hips. This is the fundamental principal of politics and of gravity.

Unfortunately there are not many politicians who believe in principles and ideology in politics any more. It has been left to us to keep the flame burning. We are the only political party left with any principles. There is only one principle in politics and that is to look after your hips. This is the only way to serve the national interest.  Qazi Sahib does not understand. To be a successful leader and a coalition partner, he needs to learn the advanced skills of gyrating the hips to the man in power, which I am willing to teach him.  I don’t think he will ever learn.

General Kayani came to see me. He has been to visit the USS Abraham Lincoln. He says it is built to a truly monumental scale, very similar to my hips. He says that once Bajaur is rid of its troublesome civilian population, and once Waziristan is rid of all living things, we could start the process of reconstruction. He suggests starting with building a golf course on my hindquarters. He has complete tactical and strategic agreement of NATO headquarters. I said I would do anything to further the cause of nation building and international peace.

To my opponents I would say, this is the time to forge ahead and deal with the dire tasks facing us.

Read my hips