Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The first meeting of the Naya Cabinet was held today. By happy co-incidence, the national Abu Mus’ab Al-Zarqawi day was also celebrated today, in the length and breadth of the country. Mr Ahmedi Nejad, the former president was to be the key note speaker in the inauguration ceremony, but was busy arranging a cartoon competition for the International Holocaust Day. He sent a recorded message of felicitation. He called the Prime Minister Imran Khan, his brother and a kindred soul.

A special representative of the Khalifah of the Muslims, Abu Bakar al-Baghdadi was able to attend. By happier co-incidence, it is none other than our beloved Shahid ullah Shahid, of Orakzai Angency. 

The Minister for Overseas Pakistanis, and the Deputy Prime Minister, Dr Tahir ul Qadri said that the Deobandis are apostates and should be killed. They can not be given credit for declaring the Ahmedis non-Muslims who, in turn, are also apostates and should be killed. He said he was the only person who could rightfully take the credit for the amendment in the constitution, instituted by the Father of the Nation, the Late General Mustache ul Haq who still spoke to him in the world of visions and on Whats App, directly from the Mandible Square, Islamabad. On special occasions, he shared with him a halal Tim Horton, after tahajjud prayers.

The Foreign Minister, Mrs Shireen Mazari said in a statement, that Pakistan wants friendly relations with all its neighbours especially Afghanistan. After the swearing in of Brother Jalal ud Din Haqqani as the Emir of Afghanistan, the bilateral relations between the two countries have blossomed into an exemplary partnership and all restrictions on the movement of goods and people especially, Mullah Fazlullah, the opium poppy and IEDs have been lifted. 

The Minister of Trade, Jahangir Tareen has said that the ever since the country has achieved the coveted status of the State Sponsor of Terrorism, new prospects and new markets have opened up for its exports. We have received massive orders from the Islamic State for martyrdom jackets and polio virus. As the power supply situation improves in the country we should be able to meet all the export targets. The minister is already exploring the lucrative markets in Somalia and Congo for target killing and extortion operations. (The Deputy Minister, Farooq Sattar was with him on the trip to Mogadishu). 

As the quality of dengue has improved in the country, there is a good chance that we can recapture the world markets lost to Bangladesh. The Pakistani industrialists who had migrated to Bangladesh, due to the inept policies of the previous regime, are coming back in droves. A bumper harvest of quality dengue is expected this year, far surpassing the attenuated Egyptian strain. 

The special envoy of the Prime Minister is visiting the world capitals and the headquarters of CIA, RAW, MOSAD and Fakhruddin Ji Ibrahim. He said that the his government is very clear that international relations can only be based on the recognition of mutual equality and sovereignty and is hopeful to reach agreement that the polls in the country will not be rigged in future by the international spy masters, especially Fakhruddin Ji Ibrahim. 

The Prime Minister, in his address said, that in deference to the judicial decisions he has stopped lying in front of the NATO containers and has started living in one. He respects the members of the judiciary, as long as they are not retired. He does not respect the Lord Chief Justice Chaudhry, because he is retired and additionally, is known to be a worm. He does not respect Lord Macaulay, because he is also retired and additionally, is known to be dead. 

Such is the fate of all those who oppose the Naya Pakistan.