Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Martyrdom is not a turkey shoot. Let me make this absolutely clear. Turkeys are turkeys and martyrs are martyrs. Turkeys cannot by martyrs and more importantly, martyrs cannot be turkeys. It would be a mistake to confuse the two. And no, Liberty and Manawan do not make a turkey sandwich.

Martyrdom is not something available to every claimant. You have to earn it. You have to work for it. You have to put a thousand recruits in one compound with no protection. You have to advertise that they are training to be police commandos. You have to put up large billboards to attract the attackers. Once they are attacked, you have to go in all guns blazing, kill everyone and make them all martyrs. This is what makes a nation great and strong.

Pakistan People’s Party is no stranger to martyrdom. We have sacrificed our leaders and workers for the nation. Our workers have been attacked by suicide bombers, with automatic weapons, shot at from the freight containers, tortured, mutilated and killed in cold blood. We have never given up and will not give up. This is because the abiding principals of Shaheed Chairman Bhutto guide us. This is because the spirit of Shaheed Bibi Sahiba shows us the way.

We are blessed to have visionary leaders like Rehman Malik, Salman Taseer, Fauzia Wahab and myself. We have allies like Maulana Sahib and Quaid e Tehrik. Together we will take Pakistan to great heights of glory. Martyrdom will be available to all citizens. Man, women and child. You will be able to dial a number and order it, just like you order pizza or McDonalds. You could text it to your friends on your mobile phones.

We are in earnest negotiations with our international allies to let us have the unmanned aircraft technology. Once we have it, martyrdom, like God’s blessings will descend from the skies, in all corners of Pakistan. This is the only way to win the war on terror. This is our war. This is not Charlie Wilson’s war. This is Rehman Malik’s war. He has covered himself in glory. The whole world can see that.I have full confidence in my friend and comrade Yusuf Raza Gilani. He makes an excellent prime minister. He would make an excellent martyr. I myself have no desire to be the prime minister. I have no desire to be a martyr. I do not consider myself worthy of the honour. I would rather serve the nation in my own quiet way.

In accordance with the last will and testament of Shaheed Bibi Sahiba, (as seen and confirmed by the Central Executive Committee), I have put in a bid for another estate in Surrey. I have also been authorised by the Chairman, to pursue the acquisition of a new Rolls, Phantom  for the President’s House. This is in conformity with the Charter of Democracy and in the best interests of the nation. It fulfils the aspirations of our nation and the ideals of our Martyrs.

Martyrdom Khapay

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