Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

After much deliberation and much looking over one’s shoulder, one has come to the conclusion that the accused General Wind Beg and General Now-In-Armani are guilty as charged. So is the late Slave King and all those usurpers who are dead or retired.  

You could comment that General Tinpot is very much alive and still raking in the Bible Belt dollars. Should he not be brought to justice for high treason and for That Afternoon at the Camp Office? You could also ask that the Field Marshall should be in the dock as well as all the Formation Commanders as they violated the order of the 3rd of November. Yes, you would be right but you would also be an ass. The rule of law has been established after tremendous sacrifices on the part of the superior judiciary. The IG still has a lock of my hair in his locket. Do you want all of us to have complete alopecia? You must be insane. 

Justice will be done and it will be seen to be done. (In due course and in incremental fashion, except in the case of the corrupt politicians who will be hanged, exiled or held in contempt, promptly and in the best traditions of democracy) 

One could also argue that the recipients of this largesse should have been named and assigned criminal responsibility. Again you seem to be living in the cloud cuckoo land. If the main opposition is disqualified who will look after the interests of the rule of law in the country in 2013? Do you want all of us to forego the extension in tenure that is our right? We have an expectation to be rewarded by an adoring nation for all the time that we spent in those Land Rovers traveling the length and breadth of the country. 

After all, we are determined to solve all the problems that beset the nation in our (extended) tenure. We will stop the killings in Karachi by issuing a court order. If needed, we will arm ourselves with TTs and launch an operation in Lyari under the cover of darkness. We will build the Kalabagh dam by cracking our most just whip and with the help of the foreign exchange repatriated from Geneva. We will resolve the energy crisis by fixing the prices of the natural gas, including that emitted by General Wind Beg and this august bench. The aforesaid item will be fixed on a 6 monthly basis to pass on the maximum benefit to the consumer. It ridiculous to link the price of our own indigenous digestive gases to the imported petroleum. The blood sucking ogre, OGRA should take note. 

We must congratulate the nation, as the bureaucrats have been chastised, the Field Marshall has been muzzled and politicians have been gelded. Rejoice, as good times are around the corner. 

We are the economic, administrative, political and engineering wizards of the nation and true masters of the universe.