Extraordinary Rendtion
Hakim Hazik
Welcome to this live coverage of the opening of the office of the newest political party in the country. Through the night, delegates have been arriving from far corners of the Ummah to be part of this auspicious occasion. All the floors of the rebuilt PC have been fully booked. The government protocol officers have been running about, trying to trouble shoot and fix any last minute hitches.
The whole world is waiting with bated breath. Aircraft have been landing at the OBL international airport (formerly Peshawar Airport). There is an obvious danger, that the agents of Blackwater will slip in unnoticed, in the guise of brothers in faith and undermine the unity of the Ummah. Strict biometric identification is in place. Nobody without a valid ID or with a foreskin will be allowed. May Allah protect us from unclean infidels. Ameen.
The ribbon will be cut by the legendary Adnan Rashid, the hero of the Bannu and DI Khan jailbreaks. The two events which have acquired a mythical status in the popular imagination; the biggest achievements after the conquest of Jerusalem by Salahuddin Ayubi and the defeat of Raja Dahir, at the hands of Mohammed bin Qasim.
The keynote address will be delivered by Maulvi Fazlullah, the doyen of the Sharia Radio (FM) and the Emir of the Swat; recently back from his sabbatical in the Kunar province. He has brought with him the retinue who will display the war trophies, gathered over the years, including the heads of the apostate Punjabi soldiers.
In addition, a Defense Exhibition will be held where the latest equipment, including the JF Thunder combat aircraft, Al-Khalid main battle tank and hand crafted martyrdom vests, (product of POF Miranshah) will be displayed. Foreign buyers are expected to attend, especially from Helmund, Diyala and Homs provinces.
According the press briefings, Maulvi Sahib will recount the initial struggle in establishing the Sharia order in Swat, especially the iconic Amr Bil Maroof Square in Mingora, popularly called the Execution Square. He will dilate upon the runaway success of the Sharia Radio (FM), culminating in the establishment of the coalition government in Pukhtunkhwa.
The Chief Minister has been busy drafting the instrument of surrender which will be signed jointly by himself and HE Emir Hakimullah, under international guarantees. The apostate army of Pakistan is required, under the armistice, to withdraw from all the Emirates of FATA and the Suba Pukhtunkhwa. As a gesture of goodwill, the Emir has ordered the soldiers of Islam, not to mine the escape route to Attock. He has also instructed Umar Media to show restraint in response to provocative behaviour of the enemy broadcasts and to temporarily withhold their iOS recordings of the iED operations.
It is widely expected that the Great Leader will attend as well. He is the one who was the first to point out that those caught up in this war are our own estranged brothers. The can be easily won over if we pull out our forces and go for a charity ball to London, in support of the Asian Elephant. He is fully supported by Code Pink and Lady Annabel Smith in this endeavour.
May Allah give them the best of rewards.