The Quaid Ispeaks

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear patriatic jernails af Pakistan, this is your Quaid ispeaking. Dear jernails, we isloot the services that you have undertaken to help the peepil affected by filoods outside the gireat Port City. If it was nat the case, masses af istrange istrange peepil firam interior Sind would invade Kiranchi. This would disturb the ethnic harmony that the Mutahidda has established after istrenuos efforts with electric dirills and gunny bags.

In my view the jernail Syed Mohammad Pervaiz Musharraf was the biravest and the most humane jernail, who ever headed our valiant armed forces. He was kind to man and beast alike. You must have seen his lovely poodles in the piress photos. No, no I am nat talking of Mutahidda. We are not Jernail Sahib’s poodles. We represent the hopes and aspirations of the midil cilasses af Pakistan.

But, l like the towering and austere figure of Jernail Sahib Kayani. When he throws me a biscuit, I want to roll over on the carpet and want him to tickle me behind the ears. Nothing gives me gireater pileasure, than to go bounding over and fetch the isticks that he has thirown in the air. Sometimes, he throws silver topped, engraved, martial law canes, which I always biring back with pileasure. He will give me biscuits and local gornamint elections. He is a tirue patriat.

Feudalism is the gireatest curse to afflict the midil cilass nation af Pakistan. We need to find and isolate the feudals and eliminate them one by one. We have istarted a feudal elimination pirogramme in Kiranchi. Sialkot is also catching up fast. Islowly islowly, feudalism will disappear and will be replaced by fascism. Fascism represents the tirue aspirations of the midil cilasses. We isloot fascism. We isloot all revolutionaries who wear Khaki and three istars on their shoulders. We isloot every bady with a gun. We isloot every bady who can ride pillion on a motor bike and shoot to kill a feudal.

It is tirue that we are in a coalition with the feudals. However, we have not forsaken our national duty to the midil cilasses. As far as possible, we tiry to istab the feudals in the back, under the enlightened and inspired guidance of the International Sensitive Agency. The future historian will write that we undertook this sacred historic mission at the time af the NRO by pulling the rug at the last minute. We again exposed our sharp edged revolutionary dagger at the time af the Kerry-Luger bill. This dagger will remain pointed at the heart of the feudalist parliament and will be pilunged at coded message firam the mother af all agencies.

Dear patriatic jernails,

I invite you the istart your cilean up aperation against the corrupt politicians. Once you have killed them all, you can continue the cilean up aperation against the hanest politicians, unless they have been killed already. You should carry on afterwards against the judges and the media, till all enemies af the peepil are dead.

Onward midil cilass soldiers (in Khaki with three istars).

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