Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Noon,

We are in receipt of your worthy epistle which brings light to our eyes and comfort to our heart. May your halal appetite be sated with the pious curry of Jackson Heights. May you return home safe and sound. May you sit on the throne of Maragallah and provide peace and justice to the people of the Faith. 

By the grace of Allah, we have executed another witch with the divine sword of the Aal e Saud justice, after her appeal was rejected by the highest court in the Kingdom in accordance with the principles of the noble sharia. There is no doubt that Allah knows the secrets of the hearts and what goes on in every backyard, as do the un-manned aerial vehicles operated from the holy precincts of Tampa Sharif, Florida by the chosen of Allah SWT. 

The forces of Islam have gathered in Anaconda Airbase and have been joined by the upright and blameless RAF Tornadoes, may Allah empower their flight. They will chase the mushrikeen of the criminal Islamic State to their rat holes in Raqqa, where they will be bombed to oblivion with the help of the Daisy Cutters, may their tonnage increase. 

Dear Brother, 

This is the war of good and evil; of God and Satan. The forces of Allah SWT will triumph. He has the power over the heavens and earth and he can seal the fate of the mighty and the arrogant. As he sent swarms of birds on the elephants of Abraha till they were turned into chewed up cud. He has allowed us to send remotely operated drones on the beastly armies of Abu Bakar Al-Baghdadi so that they will be annihilated and will not be able to spread heresy and disorder in the land of Al-Sham and Mesopotemia. 

Alhamdulillah, disorder and infamy in the land of Al-Misr has been overcome by Brother Sisi. The trouble maker Morsi has been neutralised, after having tried to wreck the peace and trying to sow discord in the land of God. We have opened the flow of carbon dollars to serve the cause of sharia and to bridge the current account deficit as a gesture of our commitment to the welfare of poor fallaheen. 

Whilst we are winning in the Fertile Crescent, the heretics have sneaked into San’a. The misguided Houthis have swarmed the capital and peace of Brother Hadi lies in tatters. This is a matter of grave concern to us. However, we are secure in the knowledge, that there is no fitna that the blessed 5th fleet cannot liquidate with maximum prejudice. Alhamdulillah. 

The agents of satan, Asad, Hasan Nasurullah, Rouhani and Houthi will have to yield to the combined forces of Islam, if ourselves, Brother Netanyahu, Brother Obama and Brother Cameron join hands and if you continue to provide the foot soldiers from the Al-Masakeen army to defend the faith and the noble House of Al-Saud. 

The Book guides but the drone will triumph. 

Inshallah hul Aziz

Your Brother,

ABA Aziz,

Jalalatul Mulk. etc.