Extraordinary Rendition
Hakim Hazik
Major General Asim Saleem Bajwa, DG ISPR, when talking to this correspondent has outlined the new paradigm of War and Peace that has been developed in the Rawalpindi Golf Club after a game of 19 holes and an excellent serving of ox tail soup to round off a great day at the links.
The Corps Commanders conference has come to the conclusion that the real threat is internal. This is not to say that there is no threat from the eastern border. Our advance warning systems are always alert to any violation of the borders and will defend every inch of this holy land, extending as far east as Bhara Kahu and as far west as Fateh Jang.
It is our patriotic duty to protect all members of the officer’s corps. We are ready to give every drop of the Levies’ blood to protect the fatherland. Any one who casts an evil eye on the national assets, such as the Defense Raya Golf and Country Club, will have their eyes plucked out.
We had nothing to do with the Bombay Bombings. Ajmal Kasab was a RAW agent who was cleverly used by them to defame Pakistan. They had infiltrated Faridkot and recruited his father to supply information of highly sensitive nature to the South Block under the seemingly innocuous cover of being a samosa seller.
Eventually, the local residents woke up to the presence of this snake in the grass and repulsed the attacks of the foreign media who have but one mission and that is to bring the armed forces of this blessed country into disrepute.
Kasab Senior and his Mrs. has not been seen recently, although it is believe that he may have relocated to Jalalabad. His circumcision status is still under investigation by the joint investigation team of the ISI and MI who are compiling a dossier for the Interpol as a prelude for issuing a red warrant.
The Major General confided on an oath of secrecy to all the press reporters that Mullah Nazir Shaheed was a patriot. He had despatched many Uzbeks and Chechens at the behest of the Supreme Command and had signed an agreement in blood with the GOC. May he rest in everlasting peace.
Mullah Fazlullah on the other hand is attacking with impunity. He seems to have shaken off all the drone threats. This is the reason we have to change the paradigm. Therefore, the Supreme Command has dropped its opposition to the visa regime and to the MFN status. Next time, when the prime minister of a certain neighbouring country arrives at Minar e Pakistan, the Supreme Command will not be averse to shaking hands with him. It will naturally take the precaution of washing them afterwards with a halal detergent, manufactured by the Fauji Foundation.
The Major General also said that the he wants to categorically dispel any notions that the Supreme Command has any thing to do with the Shaikh ul Islam or with the Quaid e Tehrik or with the long march. He also emphasized that the moon is made of green cheese and this is the basis of our existence as a nation. Nobody will be allowed to trifle with the basis of our existence.