Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Why do you keep asking me? I have told you a thousand times. This war is not our war. We are killing our own people just because the Americans have given us a few shekel. In our land our own people are sovereign.

Once the Americans leave Afghanistan, a new era will begin. A new dawn will dawn. The upright and patriotic Taliban will end jihad and start a massive reconstruction effort to rival the Marshall Plan. All the universities and hospitals which teach a lesson of impiety and rebellion against Allah and nurse the traitorous vipers to health will be wiped off the holy land of Khurasan. As the American Empire folds, the great Chinese Caliphate will take over the Islamicate and shower the blessed Yuans on the Ghazni mines, after paying obeisance to the Leader of the faithful Mullah Muhammad Omar. (May Allah sustain the auspicious canopy of his being over our heads).  

I had to turn back from the doorstep of Kotkai, as the holy warriors of Code Pink were in danger of molestation. But we have achieved our purpose. The whole world is discussing the peace march. Even the American people are saying that drones have to go. This is no small achievement. Once the drones go, little girls will not be shot in the head. This is a direct consequence of our involvement in a foreign war.  

Haqqani is our brother. You may say that he is a foreigner but he is a patriot. You may say he is operating from our territory, but look what he is offering. He has gone to negotiate directly with the Americans with an olive branch in his hand and a dove on his shoulder to the tallest building in the green zone. Only last summer his boys fired messages of peace directly at the American Embassy. But the arrogance of the Empire does not allow the Yanks to see the light of the day. 

Yes, it could have been Taliban. So what? Do you want me to go on the telly and issue statements of condemnation? Are you insane? Do want me to tell the truth and let all my workers in Pakhtoonkhwa  and FATA to be beheaded? Do you want Bani Gala to be fire bombed? You must be Bani Israel to make such impious suggestions. 

I will not put the future of Islam and Code Pink in danger. If Mian Iftikhar Husain wants to be a hero, good luck to him. Our party does not need any martyrs. Our party wants honest and upright former foreign ministers who specialise in stabbing corrupt regimes in the back, in solidarity of faith with the valiant guardians of our frontiers. 

We are an idea whose time has come. This tsunami cannot be stopped. This sea change in history is much bigger than a few little girls with bullets in their heads. Time and tide wait for no one.