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Murder in Jati Umra


Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik


New evidence is emerging that the brutal murder of the peacock in Jati Umra is linked to the disappearance of the flight MH370 . A satellite over the Pak Nationalist Ocean, (formerly called the Indian Ocean) has picked up a signal from Gajju Matta, suggesting that the deceased peacock was romantically involved with Rana Sana Ullah. If confirmed, this will lead to the uncovering of the biggest aviation crime in history.


It seems increasingly likely that the romancing couple were heading for Chak Jhumra via Kota Bharu when the plane was brought down by the agents of Mosad, trying to divert the flight to Tel Aviv. A mid air struggle ensued. Rana Sana Ullah was allegedly attacked and overpowered by Mrs Mazari shouting ‘liberte, egalite, fraternite’. Imran Khan has expressed his disappointment at the miserable failure of the Supreme Court to order recounting in four constituencies which would have revealed the truth and reunited the passengers with their families. 


The CII has expressed its dismay, that Mrs Mazari, bared her shoulder when shouting this slogan and said that she has violated the ideology of Pakistan as well as failed to shave her upper lip, as required by sharia. 


The alleged assassin, Felix Al-Nimri was brought in handcuffs to the district magistrate of Qasur. He pleaded not guilty and said that the whole thing was an elaborate hoax, planned and executed by the Shiv Sena. Mr Ahmad Raza Qasuri, the famous barrister defending Al-Nimri said it is intriguing that in spite of the heavy firing, the deceased was not issued a bullet proof vest. This proves that this crime is linked to the planned murder of Hemant Karkare, the Malegaon blasts and the Samjhota express attack. 


He said that his client is not in good health and the specialists in Armed Forces Institute of Veterinary Medicine have advised that he should be fed peacock soup with Whiskas®, before he is allowed to go abroad to quell the restlessness in the armed forces. 


Questions are being asked about the presence of such a rare bird, undetected, in the Prime Minster’s own backyard, barely twenty yards from his own bedroom. There had been no confirmed sighting of it, since it escaped from Tora Bora, riding pillion on a motor bike with Rana Sana Ullah. It is thought that the deceased was identified by tracking down his trusted courier, Khawaja Saad Rafique and his brother, Khawaja  Salman Rafique. 


Syed Drone ul-Ummat, the Emir of Jamaat has said that it is a gross violation of the international law and the United Nations Charter, to kill a defenseless, unarmed and endangered animal, which did not exist in the first place and is well known to have been martyred in Tora Bora. 


The Yemeni consort of the deceased, along with thirty two chicks from the first brood has been taken into custody by the Punjab Police and will be repatriated to San’aa on the guarantee of the Saudi Ambassador. 


The Australian ships and planes have suspended their search operation today, due to bad weather in Model Town. However, it is hoped that the search will resume at the first light tomorrow. The Australian prime minister has said, that they owe it to the international community and the WWF that they get to the bottom of this unsolved tragedy. 


If only they knew that the answer lies, not in the Pak Nationalist Ocean, but in Jati Umra. 



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